Blog of the Beast

Texas Frightmare Weekend 2011

2011-05-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend the Gates of Hell opened in Dallas, and , of course, I was there...

...Deiter Laser, who portrayed Dr. Heiter in The Human Centipede. He was very nice, and seemed to be having a lot of fun with his American fans.

...with Nick Principe (Laid To Rest , Laid To Rest 2: Chromeskull, Madison County). A villain onscreen, Nick is one of the coolest guys you'll ever meet in real life.

.....more to come....

The Beast's DVD Cave: Aliens vs Ninjas

2011-03-03T15:35:00.000-08:00

Ninjas (or Shinobi, if you will) from the Iga Clan have just completed a mission , easily taking care of rival Ninjas along the way. On their way back to their village, they see a fireball descending from the sky. They are dispatched to investigate, but what they find is not of this world...they soon find themselves in the fight of their lives, possibly their last. Who will win in Alien vs Ninja ?

Alien vs Ninja (2010) is a blast. It hits the ground running, jumping right into the action, with few breaks to catch one's breath. This is a fun film, one that's not overly serious...if you need a break from serious films, or Real Life in general, this will do the trick.

Written, edited, and directed by Seiji Chiba, AvN is like a comic book come to life, and a Japanese comic (or Manga) at that. The action scenes (directed by Yuji Shimamura) are fast and fierce. Though set in Feudal Japan, the look of the Ninjas' armor (designed by Sochi Umezawa) is anything but ancient or traditional. Using leather and metal, their look is more modern, conributing to the overall comic-book feel . The background music is also modern, a Rock and Techno sound. The alien beasts (also designed by Umezawa) are of the latex suit variety, augmented by CG. This Old School-with-a -bit -of-New School approach works for this type of film, and being a fan of actual monster make-up and suits, this made me happy. Honsetly, do most of the CG-spawned monsters you've seen look any more realistic than a guy in a suit anyway? Anyhow, the aliens in question are definately inspired by the monstrosity from the horror classic Alien (1979), but have almost dolphin-like faces and large spines portruding from the backs of their heads. Also, they spawn nasty little larval aliens from holes/pores in their heads. Overall, the beasties look OK... I would have preferred something scarier, but it's a minor quibble.

There's quite a bit of humor in the film, from the antics of the cowardly Nezumi (Donpei Tsuchihira), to the pretty female Ninja Rin (Mika Hijii) giving the finger to a defeated alien that was trying to grope her breasts. Add to this a battle scene where an alien grabs a sword to battle a Ninja, and you have a fairly light-hearted affair...as I said earlier, the film isn't overly serious.

The rest of the cast does a good job, too. Yamata, the main character, played by Masanori Mimoto, is a hot-headed , charge in-type of hero. Shuji Kashiwabara is Jinnai, a cool , somewhat narcissistic buddy to Yamata. There's just enough backstory for the characters to get by, and things don't get very deep or complicated, because this isn't that kind of film. This was meant to be an action fest, and in that, it succeeds.

The action does get gory at times. While not a crimson splatterfest like, say, Tokyo Gore Police or Samurai Princess, the gore, both human and alien, does flow pretty freely on occasion. There's also some alien larvae/parasites that possess some of the Ninja later in the film, and they're a bit gross. But, that's to be expected in a movie like this, and again, it keeps with the Manga feel of the whole production.

If you're looking for an Action/Martial Arts/Sci Fi flick that's got heaping helpings of action, gore, comedy, and monsters, Alien vs Ninja is a good bet. Go watch it already.

Beast's Beauty Of The Week

2011-01-20T15:21:00.000-08:00

The Beast is back, with a new weekly feature that spotlights ladies who have done some kind of work in the genre. This week's feature is bittersweet, however, because we recently lost this screen siren. The lovely and talented Ingrid Pitt passed away on November 23rd , 2010, at the age of 73.

Ingrid was from Poland, and survived the Nazi camps and managed to escape the Communist police. She went on to become an actress and appear in some pictures in Spain, and eventually went on to star in horror films at the famous Hammer Studios. Films such as The Vampire Lovers and Countess Dracula gained her a following that continues today. Ingrid also appeared in Where Eagles Dare with Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood, as well as the horror classic The Wicker Man with Christopher Lee. By all accounts Ingrid was a class act...in the extras on the Anchor Bay version of The Wicker Man people involved with the film told about another actress behaving like a prima donna while shooting in the brisk Scottish locations, demanding a coat and coffee and such. When someone asked Ingrid if she wanted a coat, she gestured to all the extras and said to the effect, "If they all don't need coats, then I certainly don't need one either!" Even though she was a star, she was a team player.

Ingrid went on to write several books, including her autobiography Life's a Scream. She was still active on the convention scene as well. Ingrid possessed a charm, beauty, and class that few actresses have. She was a wonderful part of horror history, and will be missed. RIP.

Still lovely...

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T08:42:00.000-08:00

Everyone have a fun and safe New Year's Eve and a great and prosperous New Year! Hail!

Feast Of The Beast Holiday Edition

2010-12-25T16:17:00.000-08:00

Hail All! I read recently that pork ribs are a traditional holiday food in Norway, so I figured I'd try to cook some up. This is the first time I've ever done ribs (not sure why, just never have), but they turned out pretty damn good, if I do say so myself.

It was about 39 degrees on this Texas morning when I fired up the coals...

Fire good.

Pork ribs, with some Stubbs BBQ Rub on them.

I put 'em on the outer edges of the fire, so they would cook slowly and not get burned.

I let them cook for a while, maybe 20-30 minutes, just enough to get a good grillin' on the outsides. Then, I took them inside, wrapped 'em in foil, and put them in the oven on 225 degrees for about three hours.

The finished product...they were super-tender. I may add some more spices to the rub next time, but otherwise, it was pretty good. Had some Stubbs BBQ Sauce, rolls, potatoes, and veggies on the side. Good eatin'! Hope you all had a good holiday today! Hail!

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-23T15:37:00.000-08:00

Hello all ! Here's to everyone having a safe and happy holiday season! Hail!

Halloween

2010-11-01T18:58:00.000-07:00

Some say that your costume reveals what you want to be; others say it reveals the true self...

...even Lycanthropes get thirsty...

...a beast's best friend is, well, another beast!

Leif Erikson Day 2010

2010-10-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

Friends were gathered; food was eaten; mead, ale, and spirits were drank; horned helmets were worn; and a good time was had by all. Life is good, by Odin!

Feast of the Beast

2010-10-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (Saturday, that is), it was such a beautiful day outside. Lately I've been suffering from the one-two punch of molds and ragweed, but I figured the best way to treat it would be to inhale smoke , drink copious amounts of hard cider (apples are good for you, right?), and eat vast quantities of red meat.

First up on the grill, bratwurst.

It's important for the grillmaster to keep from getting thirsty while working over a hot open flame. By the way, this Fall Cider is the shite.

Next , some mixed vegetables...carrots, zucchini, and potatoes, for those of you keeping score at home. The basket pictured here has a design flaw- there are gaps on the sides where pieces of veg can (and did) fall out when the basket is shaken/flipped. Sharp-eyed viewers will spot pieces of veg scattered on the grill in subsequent pics. Guess I'll cut the pieces bigger next time.

Next on the menu, bison burgers.

Last, but definately not least, a couple of baco-wrapped filets and a NY strip steak.

Insert 'hot buns' joke here.

Places are set...

...but beware of predators out to poach your meal...

...especially big Yeti-dogs. Hope you all had a great weekend. See ya!

Grading On A Curve, Pt. 1

2010-09-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

If you haven't figured it out yet, I watch a lot of movies. I've always loved film, since I was a little kid. I mostly watch genre films, but I do take in the occasional mainstream flick ( I saw Up In The Air the other night, for example). Even amongst genre films, there's a wide variety to be found. For example, I did enjoy the two Iron Man movies, and I think the latest two Batman films are pretty damn good, genre or not. Still, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the independent film/ low budget movie, be it a labor of love or the quick exploitation flick.

A while back, I was discussing a movie ( don't remember which one) with a friend, and she , at one point in the conversation, said,"Is it a low-budget movie?", using the same tones one might use when looking at the bottom of their shoe after stepping in something. I'm telling you, just like I told her, low-budget isn't neccessarily a sign of low value.

Consider the average Hollywood movie...it takes millions to make one, once it's all said and done. A big expense is getting a big-name 'Star' to be in your flick. All those digital effects , locations, and everything else add up to a hefty price tag. So, why do most Hollywood movies suck? Well, a lot of these so-called 'Stars' can't act their way out of a paper bag. Maybe it's because I've seen a lot of 'effects ' movies, but most of the CGI I see in movies looks fake to me...maybe I just have too good of an eye for that sort of thing. The money sure as hell isn't being spent on scripts , that's for sure. Need a movie? Let's just do a movie version of an old TV show! Better yet, let's remake a great film from the 70s, or from a different country, but leave out everything that made it special in the first place! As always, there are exceptions, but for the most part, this is Hollywood.

Now, take into consideration the guy who lives somewhere that's not Hollywood, (say, the Midwest) who is shooting his movie on weekends, putting everything he has(which, admittedly, isn't much, at least financially speaking) into his work. OK, maybe the make-up and digital effects aren't the greatest. Maybe the actors aren't name actors, or possibly aren't all that good at acting. But maybe the story is clever, or has some thing unique to it . Maybe a few of the actors are doing a good job. Maybe this little homegrown film has something a bit different that you'll find entertaining, that you won't find at the big cineplexes.

When I decide how much I like a film (or if I even like it at all), there's a few factors that go into it. I do grade on a curve...I cut a lot more slack for the independent filmmaker, the 'Little Guy', if you will. Why? Think about it. How many big-budget Hollywood films have you seen that cost millions of dollars to make, and still sucked? Now, think about the low-budget guy, whose entire production costs don't equal the cost for craft services on the aforementioned Hollywood flick. I can be a bit forgiving if his zombie make-ups aren't top-notch, or if a few actors in his ensemble aren't ready for Shakespeare. But the movie that cost a gazillion dollars? Those fuckers have no excuse, in my book. They could hire better writers, have better effects, and get better actors.

Ultimately, whatever the budget, genre, etc, the main criteria I judge a film on is , did it entertain me? Did I get caught up in it, for whatever reason? To me, whether it's a film, a book, or even a song, if I can get pulled in to the point where I forget everything else while I'm watching/reading/listening to it, then that to me is the mark of a good piece of entertainment. If it also makes me think, or teaches me something, even better. But mostly, did it involve me? Did it make me feel something?

What criteria do you judge a flim by? Do you only see certain types of films? Do you only see the big-name flicks, or do you take a chance on something unheard of, just to check it out? I'm curious.

Attack of the Remakes

2010-09-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not here today to talk about a particular film, but to address a cinematic phenomenon that's plaguing the Silver Screen lately...I'm talking about the Remake.

In the past several years, remakes have popped up like weeds in the yard that is Film. It seems like there's more remakes than original productions these days. There are remakes of older films, and even worse, films that are remakes of old TV shows...really, did we need a Dukes of Hazard or an A-Team movie?

Many of the films that have been remade were classics from the 70s or early 80s. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, and Dawn of the Dead are just a few of the films that fall into this category. Besides the fact that most of the people in charge in Hollywood seem to have a definite lack of originality or imagination, I think that name recognition is a main factor in these films being remade. The other is that the main demographic of cinemagoers, that is teens, have probably not seen these films.

I've only seen one of these remakes, that one being Dawn. At the insistance of a friend, I watched it. Was it terrible? No. Was it a total waste of time? No. Was it as good as the original? No. Was it at least good enough to warrant its existance? I think not. If the filmmakers just made their own zombie film, I probably wouldn't have a problem with it. But to call it by the same title as the original classic, well, that's calling a firecracker a cannon....call it what you will, it just don't measure up. It was just unneccesary.

I know that some probably prefer the remakes over the originals. I read a book on zombie films recently that went so far as to say the remake of Dawn was better than George Romero's original undead opus. The writer of that book may truly believe that, but I believe that sometimes critics try to make a name for themselves by stirring the pot, and one way to do that is to attack established heroes and innovators of genres...I think they also get some kind of kick out of pissing fans off ( I've seen it in literary circles, too, where authors that have a following are slagged for whatever reason...Robert E. Howard, for example).

You can probably guess where I stand on the issue of remakes...but there are , as with all things (pun intended), exceptions to the rule. Two such exceptions that come to mind are John Carpenter's The Thing and David Cronenberg's The Fly. These were remakes done in the 80s instead of remakes of films from the 80s. Both films took their 50s sci-fi film source material as a mere starting point and made radical departures from the original source material. Carpenter's film was an excercize in paranoia , gore, and shape-shifting horror, and Cronenberg's film was , like most of his work, a tale of body horror . What makes these remakes stand head-and -mutated-shoulders above other remakes? First, they're both very well-done films. They took a films that were, let's face it, not all that great ( James Arness in a hokey monster suit and a guy with a big fly's head) and made masterpieces . The respective filmmakers took the material and put their own distinct spin on it. My problem with the Dawn remake is that the source material wasn't improved on ...unless you think fast-running zombies are the shit, then congrats, I got a movie for you. I suspect the same holds true for the other remakes lurking about.

The other remake trend I need to address here is that of the American Version Of A Great Foriegn Film. Case in point: Let Me In, the completely and totally unnecessary remake of the brilliant Swedish film Let The Right One In. The original, if you haven't seen it, is a wonderful movie...the best vampire film I've probably seen, and a damn good film in general. I think I can pin down the reasons this (and other foriegn films) is being remade instead of being put into wider release. Reason #1- Too much subltety, and dare I say it, artisticality( Is that even a word? Must be the Woodchuck hard cider talking). There are scenes of violence and gore, but they're interspersed with scenes of beauty and quiet, which aren't associated with Big Box Office Bucks here in the U.S. Reason #2-SUBTITLES. Gods forbid if we have to actually read while at the movies...might have an embolism or something. Hollywood makes assumptions on what we, as moviegoers, will watch, or want to watch.

So here's where I want your input, people. What do you think of remakes? What do you like to see in films? Are subtitles a deal-breaker for you? Is Hollywood correct in their take on the great unwashed masses waiting to watch movies? Do you think that your average American moviegoer wants something original, or the same old shit? What do you want? As for me, there's only so many hours in the day, and I'd rather watch some clever low-budget film , a Japanese-made splatterfest with cute girls and ridiculous body weapons , or a Norwegian Nazi Zombie epic ,than yet another remake of a classic (or not so classic) 70s/80s fright film. Talk to me, folks.

Museum of the Weird

2010-08-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the Museum of the Weird in Austin. How this place stayed under my radar for so long is beyond me, but I finally saw an ad for it and had to check it out. It's small, but very cool. I suggest you check it out if you're ever in the Austin area ( http://www.museumoftheweird.com/ ).

The gift shop is full of cool and creepy items,too, and if you buy a t-shirt you get a free admission to the Museum. Being a t-shirt conessuir, I had to get one anyway, plus a couple of postcards and a Frankenstein fridge magnet as well...can't have too many Frankie items, you know.

Arrrrrr.....

Mummies and monsters abound...

I feel at home here! see you next time!

Magni

2010-08-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

Hail to all out there in Blogland! Sorry for my abscence of posts; I'll try to be on here more regularly. Here are pictures of one of the reasons I haven't been on too much of late-my pup Magni. He's about a week shy of being 9 months old now. He's a happy pup, and is already a great watchdog. I've been spending a lot of time with him, and I've been taking him to training classes as well. He's almost as tall as me when he stands on his hind legs (I'm about 5'10"). He's put the fear of dog into several salesmen who've rang my doorbell. Anyway, enjoy the pics of my buddy, and I'll be back soon!

Friend to my friends, foe to my foes.

Here's a picture from last Winter when I got Magni, in case you haven't seen my earlier pics...that, and it's just so damn cute.

Farewell To Heroes, Pt. 2

2010-05-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

Ronnie James Dio passed away this weekend. He was a man short in staure, but with the voice and heart of a giant. He fronted band such as Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, and his self-titled band Dio.

Dio's voice was amazing. He could sing like an angel one moment, then, on the turn of a dime, change his voice to an evil growl. A friend of mine in college (who was into New Wave,mostly) said Dio's voice scared him. "He sounds like the Devil."

Dio's lyrics were often filled with metaphors and symbols. His songs were about Good and Evil, faraway realms and the innermost feelings of one's heart, fantasy and grim reality, and about dreams, and making them come true. His work was a grand mix of Light and Darkness.

Dio was also the first to use the famous hand sign known as 'The Horns'. Some PMRC-types swear it was a salute to Satan, but Dio actually got it from his little old Italian grandmother. The 'Maloche' was used both to protect one from the Evil Eye and to inflict it on others. I wonder what Grandma Dio would think about a sea of metalheads using her signature move at a concert.

Dio, though accused of being evil (like most Metal practitioners during their careers), did good works, including the recording Stars, sort of a Metal response to We Are The World. As mentioned above, for every song Dio wrote about darkness and evil, he had one with a positive message...Wishing Well and Hungry For Heaven come to mind.

Dio's music was a big part of my childhood, and adulthood, actually. I can renember hearing Rainbow's Man on the Silver Mountain on the radio when I was a young beast, and I also recall being very pleased with his work in Black Sabbath when he replaced Ozzy Osborne (I'm one of the few who actually like the Dio years better than the Ozzy years of Sabbath , so let the hate mail begin). I have fond memories of playing pool in my basement, listening to Sabbath's Mob Rules, and, of course, Heaven and Hell, a masterpiece of Metal, in my not-too-humble opinion. I, of course, ran out to get his solo stuff when he left Sabbath...I'm still not tired, 20 years later, of Rainbow In The Dark ( though my favorite cut off that album is Straight Through The Heart). When I took voice lessons in college, I used a music book of Rainbow's Rising during class to sing songs from. I followed him through the years as he rejoined Sabbath, left for solo-land again, and rejoined Sabbath yet again. I felt bad when I heard he had stomach cancer, and was relieved when news got out that he was doing better...then, last Sunday when news got out that he died, it was like a shadow passing overhead. Like Frank Frazetta's passing, it felt like something that has always been around in my life has left...but, I guess, their work, their pictures and songs, will still be with me, and others whom they've touched. The world is diminished, but there's a new skald singing songs in valhalla, and there's a new artist to paint wondrous works on the walls of the mead halls in Asgard. Hail Frazetta; Hail Dio.

Farewell to Heroes Pt. 1

2010-05-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

This has been a bad week for me concerning celebrity deaths. These things don't usually bother me much, but two that have passed on this week were heroes of mine since I was a kid.

The first was Frank Frazetta. Frazetta, for those who don't know, was the Heroic Fantasy artist, period. He'es probably best known for his covers for the Conan books of the 70s. His work also appeared on album covers , most famously Molly Hatchet's. The painting to the left, The Barbarian, is my favorite, and a print hangs in my living room. Besides setting the classic scene of victorious warrior with his 'spoils', take a moment to really look at this work. The mound of corpses and the woman are a bit hazy, but as the eye travels upward, the central figure is in sharp focus, commanding attention. also, the hazy sky behind reveals dark images, perhaps of his future, or his past. It is a work of art that fairly hums with power and vitality.

Another favorite of mine is The Death Dealer. Instead of the typical Grim Reaper, we have an armored avatar of Death. His axe is scythe-like, and the carrion birds in the sky behind him tell his role. Like The Barbarian, even though the main figure of the piece is still (for now), there is a feeling of power and dynamism to it, as if at a moment's notice he could spring to destructive action, hewing down all in his way.

As a kid, I was mesmerized by Frazetta's work. I'd stare for what seemed like hours at his works, wishing I was in those worlds. His dangerous warriors, his fearsome beasts, his curvy, sensual women, they all fairly burned with life and power, a feat many other fantasy painters with their stiff, posed paintings could never, ever match. Frazetta's work, much like that of author Robert E. Howard ( who's tales were illustrated by frazetta's paintings, more often than not), was something I came to appreciate more as I grew older. I could better appreciate his masterworks as I began to understand them better. Frazetta suffered a series of strokes in his 70s, and lost use of his right hand. What did he do? He taught himself to paint with his left hand. Left-handed, he could still out-paint , well, damn near anyone.

If anyone is interested, check out the documentary Painting With Fire. Shot a few years ago, it's a great picture of a great artist.

Frank, you'll be missed.

Texas Frightmare Weekend Pt. 2

2010-05-03T18:12:00.001-07:00

Texas Frightmare Weekend was a great time. In addition to the celebrities inside, outside was a hearse and shock rod show. I got to talk to some of the hearse owners, and they were all cool guys. One gave me a frisbee and a bunch of pens with his tattoo shop logo on them (gotta love swag..and check out Ink Pushers Tattoo Emporium if you're ever in the area).

Pictured here is the vehicle for a haunted house attraction in Arlington, Zombie Manor.

The back of the Manor wagon.

Care to go for a ride?

The hotel restaraunt had a special menu made up for the event...I, of course, had to have the Frankenstein Burger.

Besides the celebs, hearses, and food, there were dealers selling t-shirts, books, DVDs, jewelry, clothes, CDs, and there was even a tattoo artist present. Among the treasures I took home : a mini-poster of Dawn of the Dead, signed by George Romero, a DVD of Tromeo and Juliet signed by Debbie Rochon, and a t-shirt from the Rue Morgue magazine booth (the best magazine about horror in culture, in my not-so-humble opionion). There were also showings of various films, but since I was only there for the day, I passed on the viewings this time around. Maybe next year!

TFW was fun, and money and time willing, I may just go for the whole weekend next year. I'll definately be back in some way or another. If you're into horror, check oit out next year...so says the Beast.

Texas Frightmare Weekend Pt. 1

2010-05-02T18:20:00.001-07:00

Texas Frightmare Weekend was held at the Sheraton Hotel in Dallas this weekend. I went on Saturday. It was the first horror convention (or any kind of convention) I've attended, and it was a blast.

Here, the Zombie Walk participants close in on the hotel.

They're getting closer....

Kim and I got to meet Elvira (Cassandra Peterson). She was nice, and she still looks great.

George Romero, the man behind Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Creepshow, and many others. Meeting him was a highlight of the show for me.

Me with Debbie Rochon ( Tromeo and Juliet, Terror Firmer, Colour From The Dark, The Good Sisters, etc.). Debbie is not only a fine actress and a beautiful woman, but she's also a very nice person. Meeting her in person was very cool.

More pictures and creepy stuff to come...

Yeti Dog Theater

2010-04-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

This week: Yeti Dog vs Petshop Frog, starring Magni as Yeti Dog.

Hey

2010-04-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to touch base with you all out there in Blogland. I know I haven't been posting much, but I'm going to make an effort to do so more often. Tomorrow I'll be attending the Texas Frightmare Weekend, so I'll most likely have lots of pics to post, if nothing else.

Hope you're all doing well out there. Take care!

The Beast's DVD Cave- Lo (2008)

2010-03-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

A man sits in a darkened room, painting a pentagram which he sits inside of. He follows instructions from a decidedly evil-looking book (which would fit perfectly next to a copy of the Necronomicon). He also has with him a photo of a pretty woman. He follows the instructions in the book, and summons up a demon from the pits of Hell- the demon Lo ( Jeremiah W. Birkett).

This is the beginning of the movie Lo, directed by Travis Betz. It tells the story of Justin (played by Ward Roberts), the guy in the pentagram. He's summoned Lo because the love of his life, April ( Sarah Lassez), has been taken away by demons, and he wants her back. Things, however, are not as simple as they seem...trying to get a demon to do your bidding is dicey, especially so for a nerdy fellow like Justin, and if he strays from the protecticve circle, he'll be at Lo's mercy. Will Justin get Lo to do his bidding? Will he be able to outsmart the demon's trickery? Will he get his April back?

Lo is a great little film, and calling it 'little' is by no means derogatory in this case. It's a good example for filmmakers(and filmgoers) that shows you can make a fine , entertaining movie with a smaller budget. Lo is by turns creepy, funny, sad, and it illustrates the power of love, and what we'll do in its name.

One of the film's strong points is its actors. Roberts does a good job in the role of Justin, nerdy but determined to get back his love. Lassez also gets a gold star for her portrayal of April, a strange, naive , yet charming gal. The real show stealer in my opinion, however, is Birkett as the titular demon. Lo is scary, but he's also a smartass, and has most of the film's funniest lines. He, in true demon fashion, tries not to fullfill Justin's wishes, but it turns out that there's more to him than meets the eye...

In addition to directing Lo, Betz also wrote and edited the film. There's a lot of cool little touches, such as when Lo pulls memories out of Justin's head to get to know he and April's relationship. Instead of the usual flashback scenes, the memories are played out on a stage like a play, complete with people visible in the wings, and audible audience reactions (there's also a pair of living Comedy/Tragedy masks flanking the stage, which are both humorous and creepy at the same time). There's also a musical number , believe it or not, delivered 50s do-wop style. After seeing Lo, it makes me want to track down Betz's other work, and I'm eagerly awaiting his next film as well.

As I stated earlier, Lo is a great little film. It has more character, creepiness, and charm than just about any big-bugeted film out there...or any size budget, for that matter. If you want to see a film with horror, humor, love, and a dancing rat-demon, look no further. Go track down a copy and check it out (hint: Netflix has it). The Beast gives it his official seal of approval. Go watch it already!

The Beast's DVD Cave- Dead Snow

2010-03-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

Dead Snow (2009) is just what the doctor ordered. Amidst all the CGI-infested flicks that have come out lately, Norwegian writer/director Tommy Wirkola has delivered a good, fun, splattery zombie movie. And not just any zombies, but Nazi zombies.

The film starts with some one being pursued through the dark, snowy, Norweigian night by...something. She doesn't get far. The next day we see a group of medical students including Vergard (Lasse Vendal), Hanna (Charlotte Frogner), Martin (Vegar Hoel), and Roy (Stig Frode Henriksen), who are on their way to a remote cabin to enjoy some Winter outdoor fun and some indoor partying. A stranger passing by tells them of the evil that remains since the days of WWII; of a group of Nazis and their treasure. The young students of course write the man off as a loony, but when one of their group who was skiing to the cabin doesn't show, a search is made, and discoveries show that the strange man wasn't full of shit, and the group is in danger by the hands of a group of undead Nazi soldiers.

Dead Snow is a film that's very aware of its genre. One of the characters is a film buff, and even wears a t-shirt of Peter Jackson's blood-soaked Braindead(aka Dead Alive), and like Jackson's film,there's a good dose of humor along with the horror. There's the usual young folks partying and trying (and even succeeding) to get laid. There's an Evil Dead-esque scene when two of the students go to a tool shed and arm themselves for the inevitable zombie battle. However, Dead Snow isn't just a rip-off, or a simple love-letter to the genre. It stands on it's own, and though it may owe much to those that have gone before it, it has its own feel and style.

One of the elements that sets Dead Snow apart from other zombie films is the setting. There's quite a few shots of the beautiful snow-covered surroundings, which make an interesting counterpoint to the horror lurking just over the sonw-capped hills. It also reminds me of another Norwegian export, that being the musical genre known as Black Metal. Norwegian bands such as Emperor sing songs about the Norwegian night sky and the majesty of it, but the message is delivered in a brutal fashion. Maybe being in such a cold, beautiful place inspires artists in differing media. At any rate , it does make a nice change from the usual urban, pastoral farmhouse. and island settings usually seen in the zombie genre.

Nazi zombies have lumbered across the screen before Dead Snow. The 1977 film Shock Waves gave us some creepy aquatic Nazi zombies, along with veteran actor Peter Cushing. There was also the 1966 feature The Frozen Dead, which had Nazi scientists keeping parts of soldiers alive for nefarious reasons. The undead soldiers of Dead Snow are appropriatley scary, especially their leader, whom has a great scene towards the end of the film when our heroes think that the laeder is the only remaining zombie(hint: they're very wrong).

Another nice difference is that the protagonists are characters I actually felt for...I cared about their survival, unlike the idiots populating most horror films. I usually find myself rooting for the 'villian'. There is one scene in particular (which I won't divulge) that is tragic, and it happens on the heels of a run of fun, zombie-killing antics, which makes it all the more horrifying, and brings home the fact that these poor folks aren't playing a game; they're fighting for survival, and death is a very real outcome for them all.

All in all, Dead Snow is a damn good film. It's referential without ripping off , it's funny , tragic, bloody, and ridiculous at times. Simply put, it's a great little horror film, and it's just what we horror fans need, not more damn remakes. I tell you, the U.S. horror film product is getting its collective ass kicked by our foriegn friends. Go see it, already.

Now's when a chainsaw would come in handy...

The Beast's DVD Cave- Inferno (1980)

2010-02-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

Rose ( Irene Miracle) is living in New York and researching an old book titled 'The Three Mothers'. It tells of the Mothers, powerful and dark witches, and their houses, built for them by an alchemist, one in Rome, one in Germany, and one in New York. Rose wants to discover the secrets hinted at in the book, but someone wants them to remain secret. Rose's brother Mark ( Leigh McCloskey) gets pulled into the web of secrets and magic, and comes to see his sister, who is missing when he arrives. Will Mark find out his sister's fate? Will he escape death at the hands of the killer lurking about? Can he find the answer to the riddle in the old book in time to solve the mystery, or will he become another victim ?

Inferno is the second film in the Three Mothers Trilogy directed by Italian Horror maestro Dario Argento, coming out a few years after the first entry, Suspiria (1977). Like the first film, Inferno is an atmospheric film with strange and sometimes surreal touches throughout . The use of colors, partiuclarly red and blue, resembles Suspiria. However,this film is less a fairytale gone wrong than its predecessor...it seems more like an urban gothic horror tale, with its scenes taking place in brownstones and buildings, streets and alleyways. Even a trip to a mailbox at night seems frought with menace...nothing actually happens to Rose as she mails the letter to Mark, but it seems as though something bad easily could (and eventually does).

Inferno is fulled with bizarre setpieces and strange and possibly symbolic images,which is appropriate, since alchemy figures into the story(alchemists often avoided actually writing their works in words, instead using images to symbolize their works and discoveries). One such scene has Rose going down some stairs underneath the building she lives in, and finding a hole in the floor which is filled with water. She drops her keychain into the hole, and has to dive into the watery abyss to retrieve them. Once down the 'rabbit hole', as it were, she discovers an ornate room completely submerged in the water...unfortunately for her, there are also some decomposing bodies floating about down there as well. Rose's brother Mark also goes down into his own 'abyss' later in the film, as he goes beneath the floor of Rose's apartment. Another reoccuring motif is bleeding hands. Sara ( Eleonora Giorgio), Mark's classmate in Rome, cuts her hand as leaves a taxi that drops her off at an old library. Rose cuts her hand on a glass doorknob when trying to escape a shadowy figure pursuing her. These bleeding hands serve as a forshadowing of these characters' dark futures, or perhaps sort of a stigmata-like purpose.

Animals also serve as symbols of mystery and magic in Inferno. Cats abound in the film, which makes sense, as cats have always represented magic and witchcraft. Rats also turn up, when the antique dealer whose shop is next door to the mysterious building where Rose lives takes a sack full of cats to drown. The shopkeeper is attacked by rats ( and if you ask me, the fucker deserved it), and then finished of by a malevolent deli worker ( I know how weird that sounds, but this is a weird movie, after all). There are also shots of lizards eating moths which add to the overall creepiness factor. Another creepy touch, though non-animal related, is a scene of the killer's black-gloved hands making a chain of paper dolls, then cutting the heads off. One of my favorite scenes ( which would also appeal to all you book fans out there, I'm sure) isn't that scary initially, but it takes lace in the library Sara goes to. It's an old-school library, with shelves and shelves of books...my first thought was 'I'd love to check that place out.' The visit soon turns sinister, though, when Sara discovers an alchemist's lair in the library( I'd stil love to check out that place).

Another piece of the puzzle that is Inferno is the soundtrack, which was done by Keith Emerson, of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer fame. It's a combination of rock, jazz, and classical (with appearances by Verdi). It's an odd combo, but it works here.

What doesn't work for me, and really is my only gripe about Inferno , is the main 'actor', McClosky. He's dull and wooden, and seems like we'd be more at home in a men's wear catalog instead of attempting to act. I find it hard to care about his character's survival while watching the movie, honestly.

Actor choices aside, I really like Inferno. It's artful, violent, mysterious, strange, and magical. It's vintage Argento at his artistic prime. It's a classic, and one of my favorites. Go watch it, already.

"The only true mystery is that our very lives are governed by dead people."

Magni Pics Of The Week

2010-01-28T08:57:00.000-08:00

Here's some more pics of my new pup Magni.

These are for Magni's number one fan in Blogland, Lana. :)

The Beast's DVD Cave- Mother Of Tears

2010-01-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

An ancient coffin is found and is sent to a museum in Rome. Sara Mandy (Asia Argento) is there when it's opened (note: when an old casket is found with several crosses chained to it, you probably shouldn't open it). The opening of the coffin releases the evil of a powerful witch known as Mater Lachrymarum, or the Mother of Tears.

As the ancient witch's power grows, her spell is cast across Rome, inciting people to commit acts of evil. from all over the world, witches gather in Rome to worship the Mother and the approaching age of darkness and sorrow.

Sara, a logical and practical person, must deal with the unreal and supernatural events around her...and she must do so soon, for the Mother's cult is after her for some reason. What is Sara's connection to the witch, and what is her connection to the realm of the Supernatural? Will she be able to leave her world of logic and normalcy and embrace the Magical world? Or will she become a sacrifice to the Mother of Tears?

Mother of Tears (2007), directed by Italian Horror master Dario Argento, is the final film in a trilogy started in 1977 with Suspiria, followed in 1980 with Inferno. Known as The Three Mothers Trilogy, the films concern three witches- Mater Suspiriorum ( Mother of Sighs), Mater Tenebrarum (Mother of Darkness), and Mater Lachrymarum. concieved by Argento and Daria Nicolodi (Argento's former wife and Asia Argento's mother), the series is based on the writings of Thomas de Quincey, and is a mix of alchemy, magic, and , of course, horror.

The third entry is a good one. The acting by lead player Asia Argento is well done, as is most of the cast. Genre fave Udo Kier makes an appearance as a priest trying to help Sara in her struggle against the Witch. Daria Nicolodi also turns up as Sara's mother, making this film a family affair. Argento's trademark violence is in full force in this film, as Mater Lachrymarum's evil reaches across Rome, and persues Sara and her allies. Blood flows freely, and people die in nasty ways, so if you have a weak stomach, avoid this film...but if you're a Horror fan, there's much to sink you teeth into here. As much as I do like this film, I still have reservations about it.

Argento's Suspiria is one of my favorite films..for my review of it, take a look at my 2008 write-up (http://scott-blogofthebeast.blogspot.com/2008/10/halloween-horrors-suspiria.html).

Suspiria is an amazing film...it's as artistic as it is horrific. It truly is a magical film. Inferno, while not as great as its predecessor, is also a special film nonetheless. Mother of Tears, while a good film, seems a bit too...Hollywood, I think. Sure, there's the use of color that the two earlier films had, and the stylized violence and death scenes, and the presence of the supernatural, but I think that Mother lacks the feel of surreality that the prior films possess. The dream (or nightmare)-like setpieces that the earlier films boast have no counterparts in this latest film. For example, the first murder in the brightly-colored hotel in Suspiria, or the ballroom submerged in water in Inferno...there simply aren't any such otherworldly scenes in Mother. Yes, it is a good horror film, and it is better than the surge of remakes that have come from Hollywood of late, but for a film about magic, Mother lacks any.

Why is this film not as special as the earlier entires in the series? I think Time has something to do with it, possibly. The other two films were made over twenty years ago. Maybe there has been too much time between parts...after all, look at the Star Wars series. The first three were pretty good, but the latest three were pretty much gaudy CGI-infested crap, with none of the heart or spirit that the earlier films had( it's words like that that piss off my pals who are SW fans, but hey, the truth hurts). Maybe George Lucas simply doesn't have the same creative spirit he had back then. Or, maybe too much time has passed between chapters. I think that had he made the next three films back in the day, thye would have been radically different, and more than likely much better as well. I believe the same goes for Argento here. I feel that most of the good films from the 70's and early 80's had a different vibe to them, a different feel and spirit about them. Some of these aspects are products of the times ( the color and overall look of Suspiria for example, was due to the use of some remaining Technicolor film stock...still, with digital film effetcs, I bet one could recreate that look). Or maybe there's only so many times you can catch lightning in a bottle.

I wouldn't be so hard on Mother had I never seen the previous entires in the trilogy...as I said, it is a good horror film (and I did buy a copy). If you have never seen any of these, maybe you should watch them in reverse order. At any rate, if you like horror, check out Mother of Tears...it's a fun, bloody, dark ride. Then, go see Inferno and Suspiria, and experience some real cinematic magic.

Magni

2010-01-10T19:24:00.001-08:00

Here's a pic of Magni that I took today. He's growing like a weed already, so I'm taking lots of pics while he's still little.

Hope you all had a good weekend, and a great week ahead!

My New Friend

2009-12-27T18:23:00.001-08:00

This is Magni, my new puppy. I got him on the 26th (last Saturday). He's a Great Pyrenese. So far the cats have been wary of him, but he's been eager to make freinds with them. Magni is 6 weeks old. Even though Odin can never be replaced, I decided that I'm as ready as I'll ever be for a new dog, and the house has been too quiet without a canine presence. I also thought that if I have a new 'fur baby' to care for, it'll help me heal from the loss of Odin.

This is Spirit, Magni's mom. She's very sweet.

This is Tuffy, Magni's dad. He's a gentle giant, just as sweet as Spirit.

So far, Magni's fit in well with the rest of the household. I'm really looking forward to seeing him grow, and to see what kind of dog he'll be. I think he'll be a good friend.

All hail Magni!

Happy Holidays

2009-12-21T17:24:00.003-08:00

Here's to all of you out there in Blogland having a happy and safe holiday. Take care, all.

Hail and skoal!

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

Though my dog and best freind Odin recently passed on, I do realize that I have some things to be thankful for. I'm thankful that I had him as a friend and companion for the past 13 years...I'm lucky to have had him as a pet. My life would have been much poorer without him. I'm also thankful for my cats that I still have with me...they miss Odin,too. I'm also thankful for my family and my wonderful friends, who do their best to make it easier for me to get through times like this. I include all my friends I've made through this blog in that group...I'm glad to have 'met' you, and I hope one day I may meet you all in person.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving out there in Blog-Land. Take care, people.

Drapa To Odin

2009-11-15T14:11:00.000-08:00

My good friend Mike Myers, aka Big Mike, wrote this ode to my dog Odin.

For fourteen years his howl was heard,
the fierce and mighty silvermane.
A gift of friendship long incurred,
and now he sleeps till raised again.

At the feet of his namesake he doth lie,
honored as any warrior slain.
Till his Master,too, does boldly die,
and together they trod the field again.

Hail Odin!

Thanks, Mike, and thanks to all of you who sent kind words and thoughts during this tragic time for me. I do appreciate it...I miss my friend so much.

Odin 1996-2009

2009-11-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

The greatest dog ever, and my best friend...I miss you, buddy.

The Beast's Movie Cave-Deadgirl

2009-11-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

Being a teen in high school can be a horrorshow at times, but the film Deadgirl (2008) makes it literal. The film starts with Ricky ( Shiloh Fernandez) and J.T. ( Noah Segan) skipping out on school during a fire drill to go to the creepy local closed sanitarium to drink beers and break stuff. A vicious dog appears and chases them into a room with a door that's rusted shut. Curiosity gets the best of them and they force the door open. They find in the sealed room a table with a naked woman ( Jenny Spain)chained to it. At first she appears dead, but she starts to move. J.T. decides that they should 'keep her'. Ricky disagrees, and an argument erupts, ending with J.T. punching Ricky. Ricky returns later and J.T. reveals his discovery-the girl is neither live, nor dead, as he tried to strangle her for attempting to bite him while he had his way with her, as she sometimes comes out of her semi-comatose state to try and bite anyone nearby. Ricky still has issues with 'keeping her', even if she is some kind of zombie, though he promises to keep it a secret.

As with most secrets kept between teens, it doesn't last long. Ricky, whose dreams of longtime crush Joann (Candice Accola) are interrupted by visions of the Deadgirl, goes to see the undead woman and discovers J.T. with their stoner pal Wheeler ( Eric Podnar) , who is taking his turn, as it were, with the Deadgirl. Wheeler later spills the proverbial beans when getting a beating from the school jock/preps, and Joann's boyfriend Johnny (Andrew DiPalma) ends up getting bit on a very sensitive area by Deadgirl, which leads him to become sick, and later in a tortuous undead state as well. Johnny, after being bitten, violently beats Deadgirl's face, leading J.T to be less than attracted to her anymore. After discovering the effect of Deadgirl's bite, he decides he'll 'make another one', which leads to a tragic finale involving Ricky, J.T., Wheeler, Joann, and of course, Deadgirl.

Written by Troma alumnus Trent Haaga and jointly directed by Marcel Sarmento and Gadi Havel, Deadgirl is a very dark film. The trailer calls it a film about the horrors of growing up, but wrapped up in that , I think, is a lot of other stuff... high school friends growing apart, as Ricky and J.T. do, for example. The objectification of women by men is a not-to-subtle part of the program as well, I'd say. Teen romance is also thrown in the mix, and the unfortunate reality of it not working out, as well as the hierarchy of the 'in-crowd' and those who are not part of that crowd in high school.

I think the main theme in Deadgirl is morality, or lack thereof. Upon finding Deadgirl, J.T.'s first and immediate response is one of ownership, and discovering she's not really 'human' just makes it that much easier for him (and others) to use her as they see fit. J.T.'s motivations aren't simply one-dimensional, though. At one point, he tells Ricky that , essentially, Deadgirl is the best they'll ever have, given their social status (being squarely outside the popular camp in school) and in perfect teen vision, can't see past his present situation. Wheeler, a classic stoner 'dude' character, literally jumps right in on abusing Deadgirl for his enjoyment...one can assume he shares J.T.'s sentiments, or merely just doesn't care. Johnny, the poster boy for jocks and preppies, has no problem not only beating up those smaller than himself, but is easily steered towards cheating on Joann with Deadgirl. Joann, the girl Ricky pines for, seems sweet for the most part, but doesn't want to 'be seen' with Ricky, for fear of social reprecussions. Ricky seems to have some moral stability, at least. He is against 'keeping' Deadgirl, and at first intends to free her, but soon his judgement is clouded by teen lust...and he goads Joann's boyfriend Johnny into performing forced oral sex on her, knowing full well her temperament, and the likely outcome . Whether Ricky manages to keep his already shaky footing on moral ground or completely slips away like those around him is one of the most interesting aspects of the film.

Deadgirl is a horror film, but I'd call it social horror. There's an undead being at the center of the story, but it's a different kind of zombie movie. Yes, she is a monster of sorts, but Deadgirl is merely the catalyst to the main horror, that of the behavior of the 'people' around her. Like in many of Guillermo Del Toro's films (The Devil's Backbone, Pan's Labyrinth, Chronos), the monster is no where near as bad as the humans are.

As I said, Deadgirl is a very dark film. There are bits of humor in it, such as J.T. and Wheeler's botched kidnapping attempt, but for the most part, it's a deep, dark view of the way some humans treat each other...and it ain't pretty. Deadgirl is no feel-good movie by far, but if you are in the mood for a thought-provoking look at the less-than-wonderful way some humans treat each other, wrapped in a horror story, check it out. I liked Deadgirl, maybe you will, too...just don't get too close...she bites.

Leif Erikson Day 2009

2009-11-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

I'm still in the process of downloading pics from the Beast's Halloween bash, so for now I'll hold you over with pics from the Leif Erikson Day gathering I attended, where much mead and homemade beer was drank, and silly Viking helmets were worn. Hail!

Halloween Memories- Costumes In A Box

2009-10-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

Hail all! I know I've been slacking off of late, as real (and unreal) life has been intruding on my blogging. This is inexcusable during this month of my favorite holiday. I'm going to try to make up for it from now on, that is if anyone gives a shit. Anyway, on with the show!

Halloween was always my favorite time of year, even as a child. I looked forward to Fall, with it's changing colors and cooler temperatures (in Michigan, where there is more than one season, anyway). Apples went on to become cider and pies, and the stores started to carry Halloween decorations and costumes. I loved going to get my Halloween costume...when I was little, the aisles seemed huge, with hundreds of choices...in reality, there were probably only dozens, but it seemed bigger than that back then.

Readers of a certain age will remember those costumes...made more often than not by either Ben Cooper or Collegeville, the costumes came in thin cardboard boxes with a cellophane window on the front, the mask inside peering out at the world and its potential owners. These costumes consisted of a thin plastic mask which covered the front of one's face, with an elastic band to hold it in place . The other main element was the costume, as it were, a sort of jumpsuit that tied in the back that usually has a picture of the character you were supposed to be on the front, instead of , say, a picture of the character's costume printed on it. Looking back at these costumes, they weren't all that great...but back then, especially when you're only , say, 4 or 5 years old, they were pretty damn cool. I remember going to the department store, like a K-Mart or a local store like G.L. Perry's , and searching for my yearly costume...you never had the same costume for more than one year because they were so cheaply made they wouldn't last any longer than one Halloween and a few wearings afterwards.I would try to find something cool, and hope they had it in my size. Among the costumes I remember having were The Spider, an obvious Spider-Man ripoff ( Steve Miller is wearing the mask for this character on the cover of his album 'The Joker'), and a guy from a line called the Creature People that was either named Bat-Man or The Bat....he was sort of a were-bat. My cousin had the Cheetah -Man outfit that year from the same line.

As I write this, I can recall the plasticy smell of the masks and costumes. I remember all the kids in elementary school marching around to the other classrooms to show off their costumes, eyes peering out of eyeholes in their masks. I remember being pissed when it was cold out and our Mom making us wear our jackets over our costumes, which , of course, ruined the whole look...Mom valued warmth over Halloween asthetics, obviously. I remember going over our hard-earned Trick-or-Treat loot when we got home, and putting candy in one of my dresser drawers like pirate treasure. I remember wearing my costume after Halloween, until it fell apart...which , as I stated earlier, wasn't very long.

As I got older, Trick-or-Treating gave way to parties, and the pursuit of candy gave way to other pursuits (girls, if I have to spell it out for you), and those cheaply-made boxed costumed faded into the past, and eventually from the store shelves as well. Now costumes are in bags and on hangers, and though they're , for the most part, still of less-than-stellar quality, they're quite a bit better than those allegedly flame-retardant , elastic-banded ones I grew up with. Still, when October rolls around, I always think of those store aisles full of those boxes, plastic faces peering out, and it makes me smile.

Steve Miller as The Spider!

Halloween Horrors- Frankenstein (1931)

2009-10-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

Off to a late start, but my first Halloween film post is on a personal favorite, Frankenstein. The story, for those of you who have lived an incredibly sheltered life, is based on the 1818 novel written by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, who was a teen when she wrote it, though the film is merely based on it, and not a direct adaptation.

The film, directed by James Whale, is about the efforts of Dr. Henry Frankenstein (played admirably by Colin Clive), who strives to make a living being using parts of dead bodies, literally creating life from death. Assisted by his huncbacked employee Fritz (Dwight frye), he assembles enough pieces to make his creation. However, Fritz manages to destroy the brain Henry had designs on during his fumble-fingered scavanger hunt, and brings another brain of not exactly equal but definately lesser value. When he realizes that his creation isn't of the caliber he had hoped for, he decides to wash his hands of him, but the Monster (portrayed by Boris Karloff, in a stellar performance) has other ideas, and escapes. Murder, chaos, and fear lead up to a final confrontation in a burning windmill in one of the all-time classic horror films ever made.

Frankenstein is a classic, and after a recent viewing, it does still hold up well today. The plot moves along at a decent pace. It starts right off in the graveyard, with the good Doctor and Fritz gathering parts for Henry's big science project, and goes along from there. The creation scene in the lab is great, with all those crazy , pseudo-scientific contraptions ( created by master propman Kenneth Strickfaden) crackilng , whirring, and blazing. The sets are mostly of the studio-standing-in-for -outdoors type, but it gives the film a kind of storybook feel, albiet a dark storybook. The acting is well done, too, and not as 'stagey' as some films of the era. Clive does an excellent job as the Doctor, giving an intense performance of Henry Frankenstein as a basicaly good guy who is obsessed with his pursuits, and perhaps a bit insane as well. Frye sets the standard for hunchbacked, morally depraved lackeys as Fritz, and Karloff knocks it out of the park as The Monster, billed in the opening credits as '?'. His Monster is indeed scary, but he manages to also give him a sense of innocence, almost like an unwanted child...a big, scary, undead child, who can be violent when provoked, but a child nonetheless. When Fritz is tormenting the Monster with fire, I know I wanted to see him grab that hunchbacked bastard and let him have it( which he does later). The famous scene with the little girl also illustrates the child-like nature of the Monster. Wandering the countryside, the Monster finds a litle girl playing by a lake. She is unafraid of him, and invites him to play. The towering brute is joyful at making a friend. They play at tossing flowers in the lake. When they run out of flowers, the monster, with his less-than-adequate mental capacities, decides since the flowers were pretty, it'd be Ok to toss the little girl in the lake, too. As she drowns, we see the the Monster visibly upset at his mistake...far from a mindless murder machine, he didn't mean to hurt the little girl, but is unequipped to let the villagers know it was a mistake, as he is mute, communicating only with growls, grunts, and whimpers...not that the villagers would probably listen, anyway.

I don't know how it is for generations younger than mine, but Frankenstein is one of those characters that is universally known (pun intended). Frankenstein set the bar for monster movies...the mad scientist, the hunchbacked assistant, the monster, the angry villagers, the dark castle, the stormy night, the graveyards to creep around in...it all started here, although I believe Dracula(1931) was made first, it's Frankenstein that , to me, that remains the gold standard of horror film mythology. Frankenstein(the monster), as a character, has become immortal, like other literary characters such as Sherlock Holmes, Dracula, James Bond, and Conan. Also like these characters, Frankenstein is better known through movies featuring him than the original source novel. He has also, like the aforementioned examples, gone on in countless other media, like comics, TV shows, toys, and in spoofs such as The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), and the brilliant and hilarious Young Frankenstein(1974), done by Mel Brooks. Even folks who don't watch horror movies know who you mean when you mention Frankenstein. Something about him has etched itself onto our popular culture psyche. It may have to do with the fact that he's both monster and innocent, or maybe it's because most of us have grown up with these movies, and they've left their mark on us in one way or another...or maybe it's a bit of both. I often wonder , just how I wonder what Robert E. Howard would think of his characters still being popular today, what Shelley would think of her creation being such a part of the horror ( if not cultural) landscape...I think she would probably like it.

If you've never seen Frankenstein, I humbly suggest you do so ...and this is the perfect season for it. And if it's been a long time since you've watched it, get a copy and revisit and old classic...and an old friend of mine.

"Here's to a new world of Gods and Monsters"-

Dr. Pretorious (Ernest Thesiger), Bride of Frankenstein,

(1935)

Leif Erikson Day, Oct. 9th

2009-10-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

This Friday, the 9th, is Leif Erikson Day, celebrating the Nordic fellow who just happened to discover what would become North America about 500 years before that Columbus dork. So fill up your drinking horns and hail Leif with a hearty drink of mead (or the beverage of your choice). You damn well know I will. Hail and skoal!

#554; The Fiction Generator.

2009-10-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

#554; The Fiction Generator.

Very funny...you writers should especially like it.

Blood, Stitches, and My Old Pal Frankie

2009-09-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

A while back my dentist told me that due to overly brutal brushing habits and bad luck in the gum genetics department that I needed to have oral sugery done. I finally went in and did it.It involved cutting tissue from the roof of my mouth and transplanting it in various places along my gumline. I was blissfully unaware of the procedure itself, as the surgeon gave me two little blue pills to take a half-hour before the procedure, plus IV sedation once I got there. I remember seeing two of everything at that point. The rest of the day is kind of a blur, except I do recall waking up with a mouthful of blood ( a common thing with this procedure, I'm told)...I got up and went to the bathroom, and spit up about a cupful or so of blood, then went back to the couch to crash again. The next day , I was more lucid, but with a mouthful of pain. So, with a fresh bunch of sutures, a monosyllabic grunting vocabulary, and a dim view of things in general, I decided it was a good day to watch the original 1931 Frankenstein.

I got a copy of the Universal Frankenstein Legacy DVD set at Half-Price Books a while back. It's a collection I'd been meaning to get for some time, but hadn't gotten around to it yet. Usually Half-Price doesn't have a lot of DVDs that interest me, but when I saw this 2-disc set for 12 bucks ( they were having a sale), it seemed meant to be. I hadn't watched these classics in a long time , and resembling the monster in question, it seemed a perfect film to watch that day.

Frankie and I go way back ( I know that Frankenstein is actually the doctor, not the monster, but I'm one of those that was brought up calling the monster by his creator's name...in other words, if you're a nit-picker, deal with it). The big, flat-topped amalgamation of dead parts brought to life was one of, if not the first, monsters I'd ever seen. I was about 3 years old or so, and I can remember getting out of bed at night, and on weekends my parents would be watching Creature Feature on the local ABC affiliate out of South Bend, Indiana. They would show what I would refer to back then as 'monster movies' on Friday and Saturday nights. This was back in the Dark Ages when there was not yet such things as cable TVs or home VCRs, much less DVDs. TV stations used to show a lot more movies back then, and they were often black-and-white classics(and not-so-classics,too)...something unheard of these days, except for TCM, maybe. It was either Frankenstein or The Mummy that I saw first, at least those are the two ones I can recall seeing at a really young age. Boris Karloff played the monsters in both films, so I guess he's partially to blame for how I turned out, because seeing these classic movies formed my love for horror way back then.

I remember being scared as Hell of Frankenstein when I was little...I even remember a nightmare I had, somewhere between the ages of 3 and 5, I think, where Frankenstein chased me down the corridor of an old castle, and grabbed me and lifted me up over his head, presumably to smash me on the floor or something, but I of course woke up and ran to my folks' room, bawling my rotten little head off. Still, even though Frankenstein scared me, I was fascinated by him. My parents still laugh to this day, because during a horror movie I would get scared, run out of the room...and always come creeping back in, unable to stay away from the black-and-white images on the little TV set in the otherwise darkened living room. There was something there, calling to me, speaking to me, even though I couldn't quite understand it yet. I recall my neighbor, an older kid named Rusty, who was an excellent artist, drew a very nice picture of Frankenstein for me, and I carried that thing around with me for the longest time. I sometimes wonder whatever became of Rusty...I hope he's still drawing today. That drawing meant the world to me then. I also remember having those old Aurora model kits of Dracula and the Phantom of the Opera, with the glow-in-the-dark parts. My parents put them together for me, because I was too young to manage a model kit...Hell, I can barely manage one today, for that matter. Somewhere along the line I got a Frankenstein trash can, and a Frankenstein action figure, both of which I still have to this day.

As I got older ( and by older, I mean about 7 or so), I saw the true spirit behind the monster that I intuitively saw as a toddler. Frankenstein was scary looking, and yes, he did kill some people, but really, he was just a big doofus who wanted what we all do...friends and understanding. This especially came clear in the first sequel, Bride Of Frankenstein (1935), when the monster learns to speak, and briefly has those things he wants so badly, only to have them taken from him. My heart broke along with his when I watched , and my heart still goes out to that giant, stitched-up monster when I see it to this day.

Human feelings aside, I suspect, deep down, that one of the reasons I liked Frankenstein ( and the other monsters) so much is because they were scary. I don't know why this is...I just know that on some deep, primeval level I've always been drawn to monsters and scary stuff, as well as superheroes ( which I guess is the flip side of monsters and horror, though there is a lot of crossover territory...Batman, for example). As I got older and quickly realized that I wasn't one of those kids that 'fit in', I began to identify with monsters more, as they are typically outsiders, especially Frankie, since unlike , say, Dracula, he isn't evil, just misguided. Sometimes the people around you seem a lot like the villagers in the Frankenstein films...a mindless, judgemental mob out to get rid of anything different, unwilling to take the time to look beneath the surface. One can hardly blame Frankie for throwing a few villagers around.

I plan on covering the Frankenstein films in more depth in October when I do my Halloween Horror film reviews, but for today, I just wanted to 'talk' a bit about an old friend of mine that I got to see for the first time in years, and how he's responsible for getting me into 'monster movies' all those years ago. Thanks, Frankie..I owe you.

Safety tip: Kids, take swimming lessons before playing with Frankie...

Hellsing

2009-09-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

I remember , long ago, when comics and animation (or, manga and anime, if you will) from Japan were a rare find. Now there's aproliferation of this Japanese entertainment form here in the States...there are shows on saturday morning, tons of product in comic book stores, and even big chain booksellers such as Barnes and Noble have shelves and shelves of digest-sized manga volumes, ready to be read. These days, I don't read as much manga or watch as much anime as I have in the past, but every once in a while a title pops up that interests me...and such a title is Hellsing, created by Kohta Hirano.

The series is named after a British organization, which is in turn named after the family that has run it...yes, it's that Hellsing family, famous for hunting monsters. Also known as the Royal Order of Protestant Knights, the group is like a secret service that goes after supernatural entities such as ghouls, vampires, etc, also referred to as Midians. Integra Wingates Hellsing is the leader of the group, a tough, no-nonsense lady, who isn't afraid to take up gun and sword and get her hands dirty to get the job done. Integra's ace in the hole, however, is an agent known as Alucard ( spell it backwards). Alucard is a vampire who hunts other Midians. He is unaffected by sunlight ( 'I just hate it', he says in vol. 3 of the manga) and holy relics ( he often has a cross in his teeth, like a toothpick). he's a very powerful vampire, and how the great Dracula ened up working for his enemies' family is a mystery that is unraveled as the series progresses. The third main character is Seras Victoria, a young policewoman, who wounded unto death, is offered unlife by Alucard, and accepts it. She takes a job and residence with the Hellsing agency, trying to adapt to being a vampire. It has its advantages ( she can now wield huge ordinance easliy), but she is reluctant to drink blood, not wanting to completely lose her humanity ( '..if I do drink the blood, it feels like something will have ended forever', she says in vol. 2). Other supporting characters of note are Walter, the butler, aka The Angel of Death, who helped Alucard fight Nazi Midians in WWII; Captain Bernadette of the Wild Geese, mercenaries hired by Hellsing in their war against evil; and Father Anderson, an Irish priest who works for Iscariot XIII, a Catholic anti-Midian branch of the Vatican, who is good with blades and has regenerative abilities.

One aspect of Japanese manga/anime that I like is the creators' ability to take a genre or character that's been around for a long time, and put a radically different spin on it. Hellsing definately fits the bill here. Not only do we have Dracula working for his enemies, but his character is interestingly writen by Hirano. Our vampire protagonist goes about his business with a sort of detacthed amusement, which is probably how a powerful immortal may view life, or un-life , as the case may be. As the series goes on we see more in -depth Alucard's feelings and why he feels the way he does.

Alucard is also a visually striking character. Tall, lean, with long black hair, usually smiling with a mouth full of fangs, he is typically dressed in a red trenchcoat and wide-brimmed hat over a black suit, with heavy boots on his feet and red/gold sunglasses on. He can go from charming to bloodthirsty on a drop of a dime, his grin going from sly to crazed. Emotions and feeling notwithstanding, Hellsing is primarily a horror/action story, and our hero is as bloodthirsty (literally), if not moreso, than the monsters he battles...a scene in vol. 3 illustrates this well. While in South America searching for their enemies, Alucard and company are staying in a posh hotel, where they are besieged by commandos. They are made short and bloody work of, and from outside the hotel, onlookers witness bodies hurled out of top-story windows, to land atop the flagpoles in front of the hotel, after which Alucard calmly walks out the front door, grisly corpses dripping above. This scene harks back to one of Alucard's earlier titles-The Impaler.

Besides being inhumanly strong and fast, Alucard is alsao armed with a pair of guns made specially for killing Midians- the .454 Casull, which fires 13mm rounds made of alloyed steel and silver from a cathedral cross; and the Jackal, whcih fires 13mm armor piercing explosive rounds with Macedonium silver casings tipped with blessed mercury ( 'The ultimate anti-freak combat pistol...this isn't something a human could handle'). The Jackal is black with the inscription 'Jesus Christ Is In Heaven Now' along the barrel. Needless to say, like many other Japanese manga/anime, Hellsing is very violent, so it's most definately not for young kids.

Another aspect of the story I find interesting is the way the main religious groups are portrayed. The Protestant Knights use Christian iconography ( the Jackal is a good example), but seem to have a pragmatic view of stopping evil, finding the best method is to fighht fire with fire. The Catholic Iscariot XIII gruop hates the Hellsing group, mostly because they have an unholy creature as an agent, but in later volumes the Iscariot group , and other groups of religious knights, are shown to be fanatical, and a bit power hungry. I don't know if Hirano was expressing opinions when writing this, or was merely trying to have a lot of conflict in his story, but for whatever reason, it does make for a good tale.

Hellsing is published in the U.S. by Dark Horse in digest-sized volumes, nine of which have been put out here. There are two different anime miniseries out, one simply called Hellsing, the other called Hellsing Ultimate, which I think is more faithful to the original manga from which it's based on. I reccomend the Ultimate series for watching, and I highly reccomend the manga for readers. Like other manga artists, Hirano's art improves with each volume, and there's some dark humor in the story as well as pop-culture references,drama, horror, action, and blood-lots of blood, actually. But, what did you expect from a Japanese vampire comic...this ain't no Twilight. Hellsing gets a hearty Beast's Seal of approval. Check it out.

'The Bird Of Hermes Is My Name,

Eating My Wings To Make Me Tame' -

inscription on Alucard's coffin

The Beast's Movie Cave- Inside

2009-08-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

Back when I reviewed the film Martyrs, I stated how the French are kicking ass in the horror film department, and I mentioned a film called Inside. Now it's time to take a closer look at that film.

Inside (or A' I'nterieur,2007) tells the tale of a woman named Sarah ( Alysson Paradis). Sarah lost her husband in a tragic car wreck 4 months prior. She is pregnant, however, and due to go to the hospital the next day ( which happens to be Christmas)to induce labor. Sarah is not overjoyed, however, as she is still overwhelmed with grief at her husband's death. She makes plans with her mother and boss to get to the hospital the next morning.

That night, she has a stranger knock on her door- a woman (Beatice Dalle), who when Sarah refuses to let her in, tells her that she knows her name, that her husband is dead, and that she wants Sarah's baby...and the woman is armed with a very large pair of surgical scissors to do the job. What starts as a holiday evening filled with depression and solitude becomes a blood-soaked night of terror and murder. Will Sarah survive? Will the unborn baby survive ? Who is this mysterious woman, and why does she want Sarah's baby so badly?

Inside is a masterpiece of horror, in my humble opinion. It takes a very simple (if not twisted) premise and runs with it. The film, written by Alexandre Bustillo and co-directed by Bustillo and Julien Maury, makes the most of its modest structure-small cast, few locations (the primary one being Sarah's house), and a small budget by your usual Hollywood standards. In spite (or maybe because) of its somewhat small scale, the film is packed with emotion, intensity, and blood...gallons of it.

Like Martyrs, the acting helps to sell the story. Paradis' portrayal of Sarah makes the viewer feel for her loss, even as she alienates those around her(in fact, she's downright bitchy at times). Still, it's hard not to have sympathy for her, especially when there's a crazy woman trying to cut her baby out of her with a big-ass pair of scissors. Speaking of that, big acting kudos go to Dalle for her role as 'La Femme', said scissor-wielding psychopath. Dalle makes her character one of the scariest screen nutjobs to come down the pike in quite a while. Whether it's lying, acting innocent, or going all stab-happy, La Femme will do whatever it takes to reach her goal.

It's interesting that these two French films, Martyrs and Inside have a lot in common- strong female lead actors, powerful emotional content, intensity, and violence aplenty. I think one of the reasons these films are so effective is the depth of the emotional content , and of the acting...if you care about and feel for the characters, it's even more horrific when tragic and violent things happen to them.

I want to also mention the look of the film. The colors/lighting used make for an interesting look-the dark house, the yellow, sodium-looking light in most of the house, the bright, white of the interior of the bathroom (which makes the blood stand out all the more)...the use of different colored lighting reminds me a bit of Italian filmmaker Dario Argento's Suspiria ( see my review back last october), but used in a more realistic efffect, as opposed to the otherworldly, fairytale effect Argento strove for.

As the above picture may tell you, Inside is a very violent film. There were some scenes that made me cringe, and that takes a lot. As always, the copy I own is unrated, and , as always, if there is a watered-down version, I would stay away from it...there's no sense in half-assing it.

If you've a mind to watch an intense, bloody horror film, put a copy of Inside in the old DVD player, and prepare for a wild ride. I officially give it The Beast's Seal of Approval...so go watch it, already.

The Beast's Movie Cave- The Holy Mountain

2009-08-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

Alejandro Jodorowsky , director of El Topo ( see my previous entry on this film), made a film in 1973 titled The Holy Mountain. Like El Topo before it, The Holy Mountain is a surreal film full of symbolism, mysticism, and just plain weirdness, for lack of a better term.

The story follows a thief ( Hector Salinas), who meets an alchemist (Jordorowsky) , becoming his disciple. Seven more people are gathered, each representing a different planet. The group is trained in mystical ways for their quest-to go to the Holy Mountain, and gain immortality from the wise men there.

Like most surreal films, the plot summary sounds fairly straightforward. It's the execution that puts the film in a different class than most. Symbols and mystic imagery abound here, inspired by Catholicism, Eastern religions, alchemy, and the Tarot. For example, in the beginning of the film, the Alchemist performs a ritual based on the Japanese Tea Ceremony. Later, after the Thief is 'reborn', he's made drunk by some people who use his Christ-like countenance to make life-sized Jesus staues. The Thief awakes on a large pile of potatoes, surrounded by dozens of Christs, and begins to scream at his betrayal. Still later, the Thief meets the Alchemist by climbing a golden hook up into a tower, inspired by the Tarot card 'The Tower'. More Tarot imagery is found within the Alchemist's tower as well.

Some images , I think, are just straight from Jodorowsky's wild imagination. There's a room with a table, both shaped like an eye, in the Alchemist's tower, for example. A student, when shot to death by fascist government soldiers, has small birds fly out of his gaping chest wounds. Wax effegies are a recurring motif, with the Thief carrying around one of the Christ statues that most resembles him (later eating it's face and tying balloons to it, sending it skyward), and later , in the Alchemist's tower, wax effegies of the seven 'Planet' people, which they ceremonially burn. There is also a circus that re-enacts the Spanish invasion of Mexico using lizards as the Aztecs, complete with feathered headdresses, spears and shields, and frogs portraying the Spanish, decked out in monks robes and conquistador armor.

With scenes like these, this obviously isn't your typical film. I really enjoyed The Holy Mountain. Besides the strangeness and symbolism, there's also a good helping of humor and satire, as well as some wisdom to be had. I wouldn't necessarily want all movies to be like this one, but I'm glad that such films do exist...they're a breath of fresh (and weird) air on the cinematic landscape.

The DVD has some cool extras. There's a bit that shows how the film was remastered, and they did an excelent job. Another extra that I enjoyed was the one on the Tarot, with Jordorowsky explaining the cards and his fascination with them. Probably the most interesting extra was the director's commentary...it was cool to watch the film and then re-watch it with the commentary and see what Jordorowsky had in mind when making the film. In addition to what some of the symbolism means, he also gives info such as why the Alchemist has big boots...not because it was the '70s, but because he liked Frankenstein!

Though not as violent as El Topo, there is a fair amount of violence, as well as nudity and various sexual situations. As I said earlier, there's also quite a few scenes with Christian imagery involved, and not always in a traditional manner...in other words, there's something to potentially offend everyone here, so be forwarned.

If you liked El Topo, you will most likely enjoy The Holy Mountain. If you're willing to take a trip ( which is an appropriate term, in this case) into a mystical, surreal world, check out The Holy Mountain. It's an interesting, artistic, and thought-provoking cinematic journey. The beast gives it his seal of approval. Go watch it.

" It's easy to enter another world if you set your mind to it. Just jump into the void. "

-Alejandro Jodorowsky

The Beast's Movie Cave- Severed Ways- The Norse Discovery Of America

2009-08-19T17:38:00.001-07:00

Hail, All! I've had PC problems, and been on a much-needed vacation, but I'm back, and I've watched a lot of movies...Severed Ways being one of the more interesting ones.

This film tells the story of two Norsemen, Ord( played by Tony Stone, who also wrote and directed the film), and Volnard ( Fiore Tedesco), who are stranded in what will later be known as North America. The Norse, who arrived there hundreds of years before that Colombus guy, tried to set up shop there, but ran afoul of the natives, or 'Skraelings', as the called them. A huge battle took place, and the Norse decided to pull up stakes and head out. Ord and Volnard were sent into the woods to scout , and were assumed dead, therefore left behind. Severed Ways tells of their struggle for survival, which not only deals with finding food and shelter, but encounters with the Skraelings, a pair of Irish priests, spirituality, religion, and ultimately each other.

Severed Ways is not yout typical Viking movie. While the backdrop of Nature in the film is of epic proportions (more on that later),the story ityself is not of the epic scope one usually sees in a Viking movie. The story isn't about lords or kings, or revenge, or a treasure hunt, but simply about two guys left behind in a strange land, dealing with the outer and inner problems they face. The film's website ( http://www.severedways.com/) describes the story as an 'inward adventure', and that's a pretty good way to put it, I think. The way the film was shot also marks it as a different kind of Viking movie. It was shot digitally, using only available light, giving it almost an indie/documentary feel at times ( this is definately an indie film, after all). There is also very little dialog in the film, and when there is its in Old Norse, subtitled in English. The soundtrack is unique as well, with instrumentals by Brian Eno and Popol Vuh, as well as music by Judas Priest, Dimmu Borgir, Burzum, and Morbid Angel. The inclusion of this music may seem jarring when put with the primitive scenery and setting, but it actually works , especially the Black Metal bands.

The landscape in this film is breathtaking. It was shot in West Virginia and Newfoundland, primarily, and there are many scenes of beauty to counterbalance the overall grittiness of the story. One such scene that comes to mind is Volnard's flashback, where he follows his sister to her meeting with her lover, who is a Christian. The violent and tragic result of this event is a counterpoint to the natural beauty around the characters...but then, Nature has been witness to all sorts of human drama, I suppose. This flashback also gives us some backstory that goes toward explaining Volnard's sparing of one of the priests they stumble upon (Ord, strongly of the old-school worship of Odin and Thor, is not so gracious to the other priest), and his subsequent intoduction to Christianity.

I've read several reviews of Severed Ways, and I disagree with a lot of them. Many reviewers didn't like the fact that the subtitles were in modern English , such as when they're on the shore and decide to move inland, or they'll be "toast". I didn't have a problem with it, myself...I think that because of old Hollywood films, we expect people in period pieces to say 'thee' and 'thou' a lot. I'm pretty sure they didn't talk quite like that. Another so-called 'critic' claimed that Ord said Odin's name so many times you could make a drinking game out of it. I watched this film twice, and I only caught about 3 or 4 times Odin's name was invoked...since the character was a worshipper of the Norse gods, this was in character and not overdone. I think that some critics are too busy trying to make snarky comments in an attempt to seem clever and miss the film they're supposed to be watching. I think, too, that the subject of Vikings is similar to the Metal music used in the film's soundtrack...either you get it or you don't, and often those who don't feel the need to ridicule it, in a vain attempt to seem cool or clever. Guess what-you're neither. Then again, these are two subjects close to my heart, so I may be a bit biased. Ok, end of rant.

Obviously, I liked Severed Ways. There were a few things I didn't like. One, the shaky camera work at the film's beginning , which settles down, thankfully. I also could have done without the scene where Ord takes a dump in the woods...I know they were striving for gritty authenticity, but I think we all assumed that like bears, Viking shit in the woods, and didn't have to have visual proof. These instances aside, I felt that this was an interesting and unique film. On the DVD there's also some atmospheric footage of the elements, which is kind of a cool extra, especially for those of us without fireplaces ...just pop the disc in and watch 'Fire'.

If you're up for an unusual Viking film that's violent, beautiful, harsh, and lyrical in turns, then give Severed Ways a try. It comes with the Beast's Seal of Approval...so go get a shank of beef and a horn full of mead, and watch.

Raise The Horn

2009-08-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

Been busy of late..my PC died, had to get a new one, etc. I plan on making some entries tomorrow...'till then, here's a pic of me at my friend Janis' B-Day party a while back, in place at the Mead Circle.

Pictured, L to R: Lori, Paul, Big Mike, myself, and Dave.

Hail , Skoal, and Cheers to you all!

The Beast's Movie Cave- Alucarda

2009-07-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

The 70's gave us a lot of Satanic movies, such as The Devil's Rain (1975), Beyond the Door (1974), and of course, the best-known of them all, The Exorcist (1973). A while back I discovered another Mephistolic movie from that era, titled Alucarda (1975). The DVD cover calls it a 'legendary lost film', and I'd have to agree with that description. Directed by Juan Lopez Moctezuma, this Mexican-made film deals with the same horror/exploitation Satanic themes that the above-mentioned movies do, but it's Moctezuma's presentation that puts it in a different league than the drive-in fun of The Devil's Rain, or the slick Hollywood scares of The Exorcist. In the included mini-documentary, Moctezuma's work is called 'Artsploitation', which I think is a dead-on assessment of Alucarda.

The film tells the tale of Alucarda ( Tina Romero), who is born in a strange crypt that seems haunted by an evil presence. Her mother (also played by Tina Romero) gives her to an old woman who takes her away. Flash forward several years, and we see a young girl named Justine( Susana Kamini) going to a convent to live, as her parents have both died. Justine meets Alucarda, now also a young girl. Alucarda forms a swift and somewhat creepy bond with Justine immediately. All is not to be picnics and sleepovers with the two girls, however, as their dark fate leads them to Devil worship, religious fanatacism, black magic, vampirism, torture, and a fiery confrontation.

As you can probably tell from the DVD cover art and the brief description above, Escape From Witch Mountain this most assuredly ain't. Being a 70's horror film, artistic pretensions aside, there's blood, nudity, violence, screaming, and potentially blasphemous goings-on aplenty here. However, Moctezuma's vison is what sets Alucarda apart from other such films. Like many other horror films I like, this film has a dream-like quality to it. Besides the supernatural happenings, the main element of the film that makes it sort of surreal is the sets. The crypt that Alucarda was born at , that the two girls later discover, is a good example of this. It's a large building, shrouded in fog and haze, its stone walls draped in yards of cloth. The convent/church where the girls live is another prime example. Its stone walls and cave-like feel give it an element of eerieness , maybe moreso than the crypt, especially the grotto-like room that the services are held at, where dozens of crucified Jesuses( Jesi?) seem to be coming out of the walls. The nuns also look like something out of a fever dream-their habits look more like bloody bandages than the traditional black-and-white garb we're used to seeing. Alucarda herself, somewhat tellingly, is the only one dressed in black.The scene where the sinister Devil-worshipping gypsy appears to the girls , and the ritual in the woods are also weird and surreal. Even the film's opening credits, showing a flickering picture of a devil-winged woman as the credits roll over a mellow piece of organ music, seem unusual and out of the ordinary.

There's also scenes of relgious surrealism, too. In one scene a nun has a rapturous moment, and in another, perhaps showing the other side of religion's coin, the head priest gives a sermon about sinning and Hell that greatly upsets the young girls in attendance. Also in the same vein we see the same priest and some nuns scourging themselves bloody. As it turns out, though, the priest is right...Hell does come into their midst, in a very literal way.

You don't have to be a detective to figure out our protagonist's name is Dracula backwards. There's another brief reference to the Stoker novel ( a name on a coffin in the crypt is the same as a character from Dracula), and a character does become a vampire later in the proceedings, but that's the only tenuous relation to Dracula . The main monster in this film is young Alucarda, who seems destined for evil...and she does it well.

I really like Alucarda. I had read about it, and , in my pre-Netflix stage of life, didn't think I'd find it at the usual rental places, so, I bought a copy . It sounded like a film I'd like, and lucky me, I was correct ( otherwise I'd have been out $20). The film's style and feel is great. It has the look of a 70's Eurohorror film( though Mexico isn't in Europe), with great locations and sets, bright red blood, and the surreal stylings just add to the uniqueness of Moctezuma's film.

If 70's style surrealistic horror with religious overtones appeals to you, give Alucarda a spin in the DVD player. It'll be a nice change of pace from the usual stuff...although maybe 'nice' isn't exactly the word I should be using. I give it the official Beast's Seal of Approval...check it out.

...the creepiest church ever....

...hanging out with their pal...

Beast On The Road - Robert E. Howard Days

2009-06-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

Every year in June the small Texas town of Cross Plains holds the Howard Days celebration. Robert E. Howard was a prolific writer. He wrote short stories, poems, and a novel or two. His most famous creation is Conan of Cimmeria, who (unfortunately) most know from the Ah-Nold films. His other characters include Solomon Kane, a Puritan driven to destroy evil in its many forms; Kull of Atlantis, a barbarian who becomes king by his own hand; and Bran Mak Morn, king of the Picts, who fights to keep his land and people free from the Roman Empire. Howard's stories range from serious to comedic, covering genres such as horror, historical adventure, Western, sports, and of course Heroic Fantasy, a genre which he pretty much defined, if not created. He was born in 1906 and died by his own hand in 1936.

Cross Plains is where Howard's house stands, and it has been designated an historical landmark. The town is small, with one stoplight, a Dairy Queen, a Subway, and a few local restaraunts (more on that later). Each year fans of Howard's work descend on Cross Plains to see the house where the author did his work, attend panels, take in the Barbarian Festival, and just hang out with fellow Howard aficianados. The townsfolk are friendly for the most part...being a small town, strangers stick out, especially ones with long hair and tattoos(like me), and there are the occasional stares and glares, but it's no big deal. The folks who run Project Pride, the organization that takes care of Howard's house, are always happy to see us all, and you couldn't find a nicer bunch of people anywhere.

The only motel in town is the Motel 36. It has only a dozen or so rooms, so it books up fast. It's close walking distance to the Howard House , and there's the town grocery store next door, and next over from the store is Jean's Feed Barn. Jean's is the best place to eat in Cross Plains, and I would put their breakfasts up against that of any eatery, be it chain or independant. The biscuits and gravy are worth killing for, and the bacon and hashbrowns are always crispy and perfect...and the portions are generous as well. If you leave Jean's hungry, it's your own damn fault.

It was raining when we arrived on Thursday, and the dark clouds brought a welcome lowering of the temperature for the rest of the day. It started to hail a bit at one point, but not for long. Dinner was had in nearby Brownwood at a place called Humphrey Pete's, where I had a bison burger, which was pretty good.

This year's Howard Days focused on his poetry, and guests included Donald Sydney Fryer, and Larry Thomas, Texas Poet Laureate. Both gave entertaining readings and had interesting things to say about Howard's work in the arena of poetry and writing in general. Thomas was this year's Guest of Honor at the Friday night banquet as well. Afterwards, at the Pavillion next to the Howard House, a Poetry Throwdown, complete with prizes was held. It was fun, with lots of participation besides the usual suspects. Saturday the Barbarian Festival took place downtown...it's your basic small-town festival, with pony rides, tents selling all kinds of crafts and things, and eats from snow cones to funnel cakes to hot dogs. Saturday evening was the Caddo Peak BBQ. The folks who own the Caddo Peak Ranch are kind enough to host a picnic for us each year. The food is good and the view is spectacular. Near the end of the evening, the sun was obscured by hazy clouds, making it look like the eye of Odin was peering down at us, giving his blessing for our celebration of a great skald.

The main reason I enjoy attending Howard Days (besides the fact that he's my favorite author) is to see everyone and hang out with folks I usually only see once a year, and meet new people,too. Oh, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Mead Circle. This is a variation on an old Nordic ritual ( known as sumbdel, I think) that my good friend Big Mike started including in our own gatherings years ago, and we had one at Howard Days after hours. It involves a very large drinking horn and several bottles of mead. All willing participants stand in a circle, and partake of the horn. When the horn reaches you there are three proclomations you must make. The first time the horn gets to you, you are to drink to an ancestor or hero . The second time you are to drink to one who is present. The third is to make an oath, or boast of an achievement you have made. After these three hails are made, the horn is passed until all are completely drunk or the mead is all gone. There are two more modern elements that have been added to the Mead Circle: 1) If someone yells "Hail Ragnar!", all must respond by yelling "Hail Ragnar's Beard!"...if you don't know what that's about, go watch The Vikings with Kirk Douglas and Ernest Borgnine, and all will become clear; 2) If the horn reaches you and it is empty, you are to look at the person who had it last and say to them, "Bastard!", and go refill the horn. I wish I had some pictures of the Mead Circle that was held, but I was too busy drinking to take any pics ( big surprise, I know...such rituals call to my Nordic blood...plus mead is the drink of the Gods). Yes, a good time was had by all, I think, although I did miss some of my good friends that couldn't make it this year ( it just wasn't the same without you, Charles).

Penguin Classics has announced that a colection of Howard's work will be released soon...this is good news, because Howard's work has been snubbed by critics for decades . This is because he primarily wrote for the pulp magazines of his time, and critics seem to have a hard time considering any type of genre work as serious literature. This will go a long way to validate his works, and maybe get some readers who are stragers to his work to take a look.

One last side bit...there was a monkey theme running at the grocery store next door to the motel. In the candy section, this item was found...when full, it looked like this screaming cartoon monkey had a mouthfull of multi-colored worms...this amused me, for some reason. Later that weekend, I looked at the toy vending machines outside the store. I always loved these as a kid, and, Hell, I still think they're pretty cool. Guess what one of the machines contained...that's right, monkeys! It's a good thing I didn't spot it earlier , because I probably would have put $20 worth of quarters in it to get all ten. As it was, I managed to restrian myself ( mostly because I dropped a lot of cash at the Howard House gift shop) to only getting one monkey. He looks like he may be carrying an invisible platter, or he's holding up his hands in the universal gesture of "What the Hell?" Yes, I, a supposedly adult man, spent 50 cents on a tiny plastic monkey, and I make no apologies for it.

All in all, it was a great mini-vacation. I got to see old friends, spend time at the house and town of my literary hero, eat lots of good-tasting-but-bad-for-you-food, pass the mead horn, read some poetry, buy lots of books, and get a tiny plastic monkey, who now resides on my desk. Life is good, sometimes. Hail to you all!

Hail the Tiny Monkey!

Odds and Ends

2009-06-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling lazy today, so here's a few pics of some things I've been up to lately.

My brother Dan and I built a deck in my backyard a couple of weeks ago...nothing too fancy, but it's better than the little slab that's been back there for years.

The finished product...now I just need one of those big-ass umbrella/stand things to provide some shade. I sat out here the other night under the Moonlight...it was very peaceful and relaxing. I like sitting out here, beverage in hand...

...in fact, here are several people, beverages in hand on my deck (insert jokes here).

I also made a trip to the Zoo recently...

...here are the new black leopards, cat-napping. One cracked his eye ever so slightly open to look at me for a split-second, then closed it. I don't like having my naps interrupted, either.

Here's another cat at the Zoo.

Here's the resident tiger, making faces at me.

I hope everyone is having a good weeknd ...I may have some more film reviews posted later, if I get ambitious enough. See you later!

The Beast's Movie Cave- Planet Terror

2009-06-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

In 2007 a film titled Grindhouse hit the theaters. It was supposed to be a throwback to the classic days of exploitation films. It was actually two films released as a double feature, which I thought was great. One of the films was Death Proof, by Quentin Tarantino, a tale of a serial killer that used his car as a weapon. The other film in the double bill was Planet Terror, by Robert Rodriguez, and it was my favorite of the two by far. Both films have been released on DVD separately, and I waited because there was supposed to be a special edition with both flicks together...this has yet to happen, and with both titles running about ten bucks each, I decided to quit holding out, and picked up a copy of Planet Terror. It was about damn time, too.

Planet Terror starts with the character of Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) leaving her job as a go-go dancer. As the night progresses, she (and the whole town) gets involved with an outbreak of a military chemical weapon that happens to turn most people into pulsating, murderous mutants; runs into her old boyfriend Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), who is more than he appears to be; loses her leg to said mutants; gets captured by a rogue military group(led by Bruce Willis); becomes a killing machine; and ultimately achieves her destiny and finds her role in life. Sub-plots include a couple who are both doctors (Marley Shelton, Josh Brolin) whose relationship is on the skids, and a pair of brothers consisting of the town sherriff(Michael Biehn) and the local BBQ king (Jeff Fahey) who constantly bicker over a certain recipe.

Planet Terror , to me, has the feel of an 80s Italian-made horror film. The action takes place in a small town, and things quickly go from bad to downright Apocalyptic...this reminds me of the films of Lucio Fulci, such as City of the Living Dead (1980), or the small island confines of Zombie (1979). Also, the presence of the hordes of infected mutants, or 'sickos', is like the shambling army of zombies in the aforementioned films(for more info on these films, see my entries from last October). To further achieve the feel of an old exploitaton flick, the film itself has 'aging' effects, to make it look as if the film has been around for a while...scratches, jumps, and even a missing reel bring the feel that this film has made the rounds at the drive-ins and dive theaters. There's even a fake trailer before the main feature ( more on this later).

Planet Terror is a lot of fun. It's a wild, gory, entertaining ride from start to finish. Rodriguez seemed to truly want to give filmgoers a crazy cinematic experience, from the gooey mutants, to the gory setpieces, to Cherry's machine-gun leg. This is not an overly serious film, obviously, but it's never boring, that's for sure( unlike the second part of the double feature ...Tarantino seemed more interested in having lots of 'cool' dialogue, making the first half of his feature about as interesting as watching paint dry...but I digress). The only thing missing from Planet Terror that would truly make it a classic exploitation flick is gratuitous female nudity. Now, there are a lot of scantily-clad female forms on view here, but actual buck-nakedness is not to be seen...I guess that's what happens when you get a lot of name actors in your movie.

Back to the fake trailer...it's for a film called Machete. If you've never seen this , go to YouTube right now and watch it. Seriously, you'll thank me later. Everyone I know that has seen this fake trailer wants this to be a real movie (and word has it that it will become just that). It compresses everything cool about exploitation/action flicks into a couple of minutes, and we even get the gratuitous female nudity that we are denied in the feature. Danny Trejo portrays the title character, Jeff Fahey shows up as a corrupt politician(like there's another type), and Cheech Marin is Machete's brother, who happens to be a Catholic priest. I hope that if this does actually get made into a feature that it lives up to the trashy exploitive greatness that is displayed in the trailer.

If you're up for a fun, violent, crazed night of movie madness, go visit Planet Terror. The Beast gives it his official Seal of Approval. Now go watch it already!

Beast On The Prowl- Riot, Scout Bar

2009-06-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

I've been a fan of the band Riot (no, not Quiet Riot) for a long time now. I can remember hearing 'Swords and Tequila' on the radio when I was a young beast, and in the late 80's one afternoon, I was listening to Z-Rock, a syndicated staion that played Metal and hard rock, and a song came on with amazing guitars and stratospheric vocals. This song was the title track from the album Thundersteel, and it was by Riot. Riot was primarily a good hard rock band, but this was straight -up Metal. Riot, like many bands that have been around for a while, has had many line-up changes over the years. The main member has always been lead guitarist /songwriter Mark Reale. Thundersteel, and the following album, Privilege of Power, were more Metallic than Riot's previous output...this may have been due to the era ( Metal was big), and the band members( vocalist Tony Moore's voice was in the multi-octave range, and drummer Bobby Jarzombek is a double-bass monster). Whatever the reasons, these two albums were probably Riot's heaviest. Subsequent releases were with a different line-up, and as a result were in more of a hard-rock direction...don't get me wrong, they're great albums, and I love them, but they lacked the Metallic drive of the previous recordings.

Fast-forward many years and recordings later. I'm looking at the local rock rag and I see an ad for a gig at the newest rock club here in San Antonio, the Scout Bar, where I saw Kamelot back on Halloween. It was an ad for the Riot Thundersteel Reunion tour. I was surprised that this particular line-up got back together ( I saw a more recent version of Riot back around 1999-2000, and they did kick ass), but then, Metal is kind of big again. I knew I had to see this show.

I was tired as Hell( short handed at work), and it was a Tuesday night(last night, to be exact), but I had to go. The opening bands were good, but when Riot hit the stage, it was like Time went backwards. Sure, a couple of the guys had put on a few pounds, but the Metal magic was definately there. The line-up was essentially the same as when I saw them last, with the exception of local boy Don Van Stavern ( drummer Jarzombek is from S.A. also) on bass and Tony Moore on vocals. I didn't have many doubts as far as Van Stavern was concerned, as he'd played in another local outfit called Pitbull Daycare through the 90s, but I wondered about Moore's voice. Would he be still able to hit those high notes ? Oh, ye of little faith...he hit those notes like he was beating a rented mule. The band was tight and in good form as they ripped through their signature songs from that particular era ('Flight of the Warrior', 'Thundersteel', 'Storming The Gates of Hell', 'Bloodstreets', etc.), as well as older pre-Moore tracks like 'Outlaw' , 'Rock City', and 'Swords and Tequila'. They even played a new track(!) titled 'Wings Are For Angels'.The crowd was a good one , especially for a Tuesday night, and there was an interesting mix of older folks and young Metal/Rock fans in attendance. The band was appreciative of the great reception they got from the crowd. At one point, right before Riot played, a guy with grey hair wearing khakis and a polo shirt sat down next to me with his wife, saying, "I'm too old for this !", to which I replied, " Shit, you're never too old for this!" There was a guy with a walker in attendence( I was told he was a family member of one of the band), as well as a gal in a wheel chair, plus lots of younger folks , too.

I wish I'd have taken my camera...my phone takes shite pics. It was a great show, and even though I went to work with only about 3 hours of sleep this morning, it was worth it. The show was a great trip down Metal Memory Lane for me. All hail Riot!

The Beast's Music Vault- Black Sabbath, Born Again

2009-05-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

Black Sabbath is a band everyone has heard of, even if you're not a metal fan.They're the first true Heavy Metal band (I don't care what you Zep fans say, Zep is a rock band, not that there's anything wrong with that), and every Metal guitar player owes Tony Iommi a dolar every time they plug in, as far as I'm concerned. They started and perfected the whole 'evil'/horror-movie vibe that Metal is known for...even if the lyrics of most of their songs were anti-evil( clue: the crosses they wear are all rightside-up), their song titles, and more importantly, their very sound was pure sonic Satan. Ozzy Osborne was the first vocalist for Black Sabbath, and many of the Sabbath classics (such as 'Iron Man, 'War Pigs', 'N.I.B.', etc.) were recorded during his tenure with the band. A lot of Sabbath fans (and radio, for the most part) look at the Ozzy period as the only one that mattered. However, there were many vocalists and line-ups of the band after Ozzy's departure and before the inevitable reunion tours. In my opinion, there's a lot of good stuff in the post-Ozzy period of Sabbath's recording history...in fact, some of my favorite stuff is from the Dio era (Ronnie James Dio, of Elf, Rainbow, and of course, Dio fame). But I'm not going to talk about those records today. Instead, I want to discuss a line-up you may never have heard of, that only lasted for one album and tour-the album was titled Born Again, released in 1983.

The band, musician-wise, was basically the same as the Ozzy/Dio era...Tony Iommi on guitar, Geezer Butler on bass, and Bill Ward on drums. The vocalist for Born Again was to be Ian Gillan, formerly of Deep Purple. I'd always liked Gillan's singing, but when I first heard he was to be Sabbath's new voice, I wasn't sure how that would work out. "Deep Sabbath' and 'Black Purple' remarks were being made in the press and amongst my friends. The family trees of these bands have intertwining branches...Dio was the singer of Rainbow, which was founded by Ritchie Blackmore, formerly of Deep Purple, Gillan was once the singer for Purple, now in Sabbath...you needed a scorecard to keep up with it all. Anyway, I was also initially skeptical when Dio took over vocal chores in Sabbath, and he kicked ass during his tour of duty, so I figured I'd give Gillan a chance. The end result-while Born Again is not your typical Sabbath album, it's still pretty good, in my opinion.

The first track, 'Trashed' is a fast tune about drinking while racing cars, or at least go-carts, if I remember an interview from back then correctly. It doesn't have that classic Sabbath sound, but it's good, nonetheless. Other tracks that fall into the same category are 'Digital Bitch', 'Hot Line', and 'Keep It Warm'. Of these, the best of the bunch are 'Trashed' and 'Digital Bitch'.

On some of the tracks, however, the trademark 'evil' Sabbath sound comes creeping out. The first one on the album is 'Disturbing the Priest'. With its horror-film guitars and Gillan's fearsome scream/howl, this one sounds dark and menacing. 'Zero the Hero' is another such track, probably my favorite cut. Although the lyrics are sort of an anti-slacker anthem, the music is pure Iommi dark goodness (or should I say badness), starting out quietly and getting ever louder, the guitar riff inexorably coming forth like some beast rising from its crypt. This riff that comes before the main rhythm and returns again later in the song is great...it could easily be in a horror film soundtrack. The title track also shares this 'evil' quality ...while slow and subdued for the most part, when the chorus comes up, the guitars merge with Gillan's howl in a perfect union of doom. Filling the gaps out are two short instrumentals, 'Stonehenge' and 'The Dark'.

The album cover art was eye-catching, to say the least. It depicts a baby devil in damn-near glow-in-the dark colors(it was the 80s, after all). When I first saw it, I said, "Hey, it's Rosemary's Baby!" The artwork offended some Christian groups , if I recall correctly, but that was pretty much par for the course for Sabbath anyway(and Christian groups, for that matter). As for myself, I don't find it scary or offensive...the little bastard is kinda cute in his own way, and honestly, kinda goofy looking. If they'd have had a gruesome fake devil baby made by some special effects guy and had photos taken, it may have been scary, but the dayglo artwork just doesn't summon up menace and doom...but I did once have a keychain with the cover image on it, now that I think of it.

On tour, Ward was replaced by former ELO drummer Bev Bevan (ELO-what the ...???). I didn't get to see them on tour, but I remember some syndicated show, called Live at the'something'...I don't remember the whole title. But it was a weekly show that featured live acts at some club in California, and there were many rock/metal bands in attendance. I recall seeing Dio, Y&T and...Black Sabbath! The songs they showed were 'Digital Bitch' and 'Zero the Hero'. Gillan's hair at the time was very long, even longer than mine, I think, and while performing his mane flew around like a dark cyclone, his face rarely visible during the show. There were big crosses that lit up and moved around in the stage set, too. Not present at this particular show, though , was the mock-up of Stonehenge that was their backdrop on stage for most of the tour. This was about the same time Spinal Tap, the mock rock band /mockumentary came out, which also featured a Stonehenge replica, although Tap's replica was about 15 inches long, prompting the line(and pardon me if this isn't excact),"Our Stonehenge was in danger of being crushed under the heels of a dwarf!!"

This period of the band has been kind of pushed aside, for whatever reason. Gillan himself has said that he's probably the worst singer Black Sabbath has ever had, but they made it all work somehow. I don't think that Gillan is the worst singer the band's had...technically, Ozzy is the least talented singer to have ever been in Sabbath...and before all you Ozzy fans start sending me hate mail, I am a fan of Ozzy and his stint in Sabbath, and I do like his voice...but from a purely skill/talent perspective, he doesn't match up with Gillan, Tony Martin, Glenn Hughes, or Dio. From a song perspective, the songs weren't the best that have ever come from the Sabbath camp, but they certainly weren't the worst, either. In my opinion, Born Again is a pretty good album, and deserves a listen, if you're a Metal fan at all...so says The Beast.

The Beast's Movie Cave- Eraserhead

2009-05-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have a fridge magnet that I picked up in Las Vegas years ago(at least I think it was Vegas...anyway...) that depicts the poster for the David Lynch film Eraserhead, with the blurb from Newsweek stating "The most original horror movie in years". It got me thinking about the film, and how I hadn't seen it in years. I got home early from work yesterday and checked what was on the free movies on demand channel, and on Sundance was none other than Eraserhead! Life is strange sometimes...and in the world of Eraserhead, it's very strange, indeed. I suppose I do agree with Newsweek's assessment of the film as horror, although it's not what one would typically think of as horror...there's no big scares, no killer on the loose, nothing of that sort. There are what could be considered supernatural forces at work, however. What the film does have is a pervasive feeling of dread and fear, an atmosphere of surreal creepiness that sets in from the very beginning and doesn't let up at all. If you've read my reviews of films like The Beyond or Phantasm, you know that I enjoy films with a dream-like feeling to them. Eraserhead is probably the most dream-like, or rather nightmare-like film that I can recall seeing. It's overall feeling is like that of a dream that's creepy , and you want to wake up, but nothing quite bad enough to make you jump up awake screaming happens, so you keep on going through this weird, unsettling dream, and things happen that you don't understand, and you're getting more and more freaked out...this is Eraserhead.

Eraserhead is about Henry Spencer (Jack Nance), a fellow with a strange hairdo, who goes about in an equally strange world. He goes to have dinner with his girlfriend Mary (Charlotte Stewart), who he hasn't seen in a while. He meets Mary's family and finds out that Mary has had a baby, and claims that Henry is the father. Mary and the baby move in with Henry in his small apartment. The baby is sick, and cries almost constantly, which takes its toll on Mary, who leaves.

Now, reading the above paragraph, you may think that this all sounds fairly normal...oh boy, are you wrong. While the plot, when boiled down to its basic core, may seem ordinary, it's how it's presented that makes it a living nightmare. Meeting your significant others' parents and finding out you're a father can be distressing enough, but in Lynch's hands the situation becomes horrifying. Matter of fact, nothing in Lynch's world of Eraserhead is normal or reassuring. Henry, from the first time we see him, always seems apprehensive at best, or downright scared at other times. Nobody that Henry encounters acts what one would call normally...and then there are characters such as The Man in the Planet and the Lady in the Radiator...who, or what are they, exactly? And the 'baby'...definately not what any parent wants to see in the nursery at the hospital, trust me.

Though this was Lynch's first feature-length film, he set the bar high for extreme cinematic weirdness and surreal horror. If you've ever seen any of his other films, such as Lost Highway (1997), or Mullholland Drive (2001),or his TV series Twin Peaks(1990-1991), you know that he's a master of the bizarre. None of these hold a candle to Eraserhead, in my own humble opinion. Everything about the world Henry Spencer inhabits is strange and a bit terrifying. As I stated above, Henry is always nervous and apprehensive, as if he dreads whatever this weird world has to throw at him next. The film is in black-and-white, which adds to the atmosphere, making it like a demented film noir, but instead of crooks and dangerous dames, we have mutant babies and bleeding chickens. Strange touches in the background are also present, like the framed picture of an atomic bomb mushroom cloud, and the tree growing out of a pile of dirt on the nightstand in Henry's apartment. Sound also plays an important part in the film. There's usually something going on in the background, sonically speaking...either distant jazz music, as if from an apartment window far away, or more ominously, wind blowing or loud industrial sounds . These background sounds keep the viewer unsettled, wondering what's going to happen next...much like Henry, I suppose.

I could go into greater detail about the strangeness that abounds in Eraserhead, but I want you, if you've never seen it, to discover all of the nightmarish goodies for yourself. There are lots of opinions on what the film is about...anything from fears of fatherhood to fears of domesticity in general. Lynch , as with most of his films, isn't forthcoming on what he had in mind when he made it, though I believe I remember reading that he said nobody's gotten his interpretation correct yet. Most people either love this movie or hate it...if you haven't guessed yet, it's one of my favorite films. With films like Eraserhead or Mullholland Drive, part of the fun is figuring out what it's about, or at least your own interpretation . It's a creepy, challenging , nightmare on celluloid, and if you haven't seen it yet, I think you should. After seeing it yesterday, I wondered why the Hell I don't own a copy...I think I'm going to get one this weekend.

As always, feel free to discuss this film with me...I'm interested to see what you think of it. As I said, if you have Time-Warner , its on the free movies on demand channel this month, under the Sundance channel. I believe its on Netflix's watch instantly option, as well. I don't know if Blockbuster or Hollywood video stores are enlightened enough to carry a copy, so good luck there. Until next time, good readers...

"In Heaven, everything is fine"

-The Lady in the Radiator

The Beast's Movie Cave- Martyrs

2009-05-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

When you watch the director's introduction on a DVD and he tells you that you may have selected the wrong movie, and apologises for making the film, you know that you're in for a cinematic experience that's out of the ordinary. I'd read about French director Pascal Laugier's film Martyrs...it's been described as 'existential torture porn', and that viewers at screenings ran out, vomited, and fainted. After reading all this, I decided this was a film I had to see. The French have been producing some powerful horror films lately( Inside comes to mind), leaving our own U.S. made remakes and kiddie-horror-lite flicks like Twilight looking like the weak-ass efforts they are...comparing them to films like Martyrs and Inside is like drinking a glass of watery Kool-Aid and chasing it with a glass of 100 proof vodka...one is weak and unsatisfying, the other kicks you in the ass and makes you wonder if you should have even drank it in the first place.

Martyrs opens with a young girl escaping captivity...she has obviously been tortured. She makes a friend at the orphanage she is sent to. 15 years later, the former captive, Lucie (Mylene Jampanoi) finds who she believes to be the ones that tortured her years ago, and takes violent retribution, not only on her torturers, but their family as well. Her friend, Anna( Morjana Alaoui), trying to help her, is brought into this bloody scene of revenge . Anna doubts Lucie's judgement in locating her former tormentors, because said torment has left Lucie mentally tortured long after the physical wounds have healed, and her sanity is , well, questionable, to say the least. After yet another tragic and bloody episode, Anna learns that although Lucie's sanity is shattered, there is a dark and disturbing group working in the shadows, and the acts of torture are far from over...perhaps worse, the torture has a twisted reasoning behind it ...to get closer to God.

Martyrs , as the title suggests, works with the old belief that pain and suffering, and being on the precipice of death because of it, brings one closer to God, and through being near such a person, one can possibly catch a glimpse of the other side, and maybe God himself. Near the film's end we are given the definition of the word martyr, essentially being 'witness'. I think that it's this underlying theme that brings the film a few notches above your average 'capture -people-and-torture-them' flick...the director actually had ideas in his head (dark as they were), and I think it shows.

Ideas notwithstanding, Martyrs is an extremely dark and violent film, and much of it it is hard to watch . I don't necessarily enjoy violence done to women, even if it's imaginary...I'm ingrained with a sort of rough chivalry(I think it's due to repeated viewings of old swashbuckler movies as a kid ...so blame Tyrone Power and Errol Flynn), so it was a bit of an excersize in cinematic intestinal fortitude to view a lot of the scenes in this film. Laugier has said in interviews that he was in a very dark place when he made this film, and it definately shows. Even though it was difficult to get through parts, I would much rather be challenged as a viewer and have a director be able to get his vision across, that to sit numbed and bored by the latest sanitized, mindless, PG-13 concoction Hollywood has to offer. Mind you, I'm not against a no-brainer, fun, 'popcorn' movie, but once in a while it's good to watch something that actually makes you think and feel, even if it's not shiny, happy feelings and thoughts.

The acting in Martyrs was very well done. The leads Jampanoi and Alaoui had very intense and physical performances. The sadness, fear, rage, shock, and horror that the young women go through is strong and even heartbreaking at times. A standout scene for me is one where Lucie expresses her rage , hammer in hand...like most of the film, it is not for the squeamish.

If you're looking for a whimsical, carefree, feel-good movie, this is not the one for you...go find the latest Matthew McConeghey celluloid offering instead. However, if you are up to a dark, challenging film experience, give Martyrs a go...and , as always, feel free to come back here and discuss it with me...or curse my existence for even suggesting such a film, heh. Either way, I'll be waiting. Oh, the version I saw was unrated...I don't know if there's an edited version out there, but don't bother with it if there is...if you're going to see it, there's no sense in half-assing it.

" The only thing I can say is that the actual world is so shitty that horror is the perfect genre to express the most honest and concrete things, things that say a lot about our real lives. This is contrary to what television programs constantly do. Doing a feel-good movie right now, considering the state of the world and the brutality of our system, would disgust me. I'd take it as a self-betryal. More than ever, horror should embody the absolute escape from the lies of official society. The genre has a great opportunity to be really countercultural again after years of having been softened by the cynical postmodernism of our times. That's my feeling, anyhow."

-Pascal Laugier, writer/director of Martyrs, from Rue Morgue magazine

Cloudy Skies

2009-04-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

The weather here in my neck of the woods (Southwestern Texas) has been rainy of late...which is good because we needed the rain. It's also good because I like grey, rainy days. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy sunny blue skies as well, but sometimes I like to take in a dark, rainy day. I like it a lot better if I have the day off, then I can sit and watch the rain for as long as I please...or read a book, or maybe watch a movie as the rain falls outside. I like when the house is dark, even with the blinds open in the daytime. I also got to walk home from work in the rain a couple of times this week....I don't mind getting wet as long as I'm going home. I remember years ago when I was walking home and it started to hail. I covered my eyes as the hail fell from above...I was wearing a tank top, so the hailstones left marks on my chest , arms, and shoulders where they hit me. That's not so much fun.

The sun gets all the good press, but I think the dark, rainy, grey day is vastly underrated.

Odin Update

2009-04-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

My dog Odin is doing better. He's back to eating, and his liver values are slowly going back down to normal levels.

I want to thank everyone that has written with kind words and thoughts...it seems like I've had several generous helpings of bad luck lately, but all of your good wishes really mean a lot to me. Thanks.

Now my dog is ill...

2009-04-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

My dog (and best friend ) Odin is sick now...I can't seem to get a break lately. I took him in because I intended to clean his teeth, but his appetite has been down, which is very unusual for him. Turns out his liver values were high. What is it with my pets and their livers? I'm the one who should have a bad liver, not them...and I'd rather it was me who was sick, even though I just got over being sick, than Odin. The Dr. doesn't think it's too bad yet, but he's on meds and I've got him on IV fluids tonight, and will take him back in tomorrow. I did get him to eat some canned food this evening, though he didn't want to take his medicine(not that I blame him ). Other than the lack of appetite, he seems fine...he doesn't act like a sick pooch. Right now he's laying next to me, his IV dripping away. I'll sit in here with him for the next couple of hours 'till he gets his fluids for the night. I hope I can get him through this...I don't know what I'd do without him. I realize that a pet's time is limited, and he is 13 years old, but I'm not ready to lose him, especially right now. ..I've lost enough family and pets lately.The fact that he ate tonight and his temperature is normal makes me think he'll be OK, but I can't help but think the worst, even when I hope for the best. Raven got over her illness, I hope that Odin can beat his, too. I'm going to do everything that I can for him. He means the world to me.

Highland Games

2009-04-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

Last weekend the Highland games took place here in San Antonio. It's not a huge affair, but there's plenty of events, vendors, food and beer to keep one occupied for a while. This year there were some Viking re-enactors stging battles...made me want to jump in (note: next year bring battle axe and sword).

One of the attendees brought his Irish wolfhound along...he was huge, but a gentle giant. Everyone loved him.

Besides several rounds of Scottish ale , I purchased a flag, and I think it's the perfect one for me...the neighbors aught to love it.

Hope you all had a good weekend, and have a good week ahead...take care!

Literary Maven Meme

2009-04-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

Over at Shauna Roberts' blog(see link at the right) she posted a meme that I wanted to take a stab at. This will probably show how un-intellectual and poorly -read I am, but what the Hell, here goes:

1) What author do you own the most books by? Robert E.Howard.

2) What book do you own the most copies of? Kull, by Robert E. Howard

3) Did it bother you that both these questions ended with a preposition? No.

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with? I don't think I'm in love with any fictional character, but I guess if I had to pick one, it would be Belit, title character of the story 'Queen of the Black Coast'...any gal who leads pirates and does a naked love dance for a guy she likes is OK in my book!

5) What book have you read the most times in your life(excluding children's picture books)? Hmmm...that's a tough one...probably something by Howard, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Thompson, My Brother Was An Only Child byJack Douglas, or Shadowland by Peter Straub.

6) What was your favorite book when you were 10 years old? It's hard to remember, but most likely Conan the Warrior, by Howard.

7) What is the worst book you've read in the past year? The Devil's Dominion by Anthony Masters...some good info, but very dry reading.

8) What is the best book you've read in the past year? A tie- Last Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko and The Cold Spot by Tom Piccarilli...fantasy/horror with an edge, and hard-boiled action, respectively.

9) If you could force everyone to read one book, what would it be? The collected Identity Crisis mini-series that Brad Meltzer wrote for DC Comics...it shows that comics can have adult, interesting stories, and it shows the human faces behind the masks.

10) Who deserves the win for the next Nobel Prize for literature? I haven't a clue...I'd give it to Charles Gramlich...not only because he's a helluva writer, but he also cooks a mean hamburger.

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie? The Light At The End by Skipp and Spector. It's a violent vampire tale that takes the romanticsim that has infused the vampire genre since Rice's works and kicks it right in the ass. The book has many cinematic moments that would translate well to the big screen.

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie? Hmmm...probably Shadowland by Peter Straub... I don't think a film could do it justice...maybe a miniseries, but even then, I don't know if it could capture the feel of the book.

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character. Actually, I don't recall any dream based on any books...they've probably occured, but I can't think of any .

14) What is the most lowbrow book you've read as an adult? Probably an entry in the Destroyer book series.

15) What is the most difficult book you've ever read? Teach Yourself Norwegian , from the Teach Yourself collection.

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you've ever seen? I've never attended a play by the Bard, but I have seen the film Tromeo and Juliet, which is the weirdest adaptation of his work , I'm pretty sure.

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians? The French, I guess.

18) Roth or Updike? I've only read one book each by them , so a tie, I suppose.

19) David Sedaris or Dave Eggers? Never read Eggers, so Sedaris wins.

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer? Milton...Paradise Lost , man!

21) Austin or Elliot? Uh, neither?

22) What is the biggest, most embarrassing gap in your reading? Probably the classics, like Moby Dick , A Tale of Two Cities, books like that.

23) What is your favoirite novel? I'd have to say Hour of the Dragon by Howard...I also really like Shadowland by Straub, and Hexes by Tom Piccarilli.

24) Favorite play? Honestly, I don't have one.

25) Favorite poem? A Crown For a King by Howard ( see a pattern forming here?).

26) Favorite essay? Have to get back to you on this one.

27) Favorite short story? Beyond the Black River by (you guessed it) Howard.

28) Favorite work of non-fiction? The Lords of Chaos by Moynihan and Soderlind...it tells the tale of European Black Metal, and the suicides, murders, church burnings, and other events that surrounded the scene in its beginnings.

29) Favorite writers? Howard, Picarilli, Joe Bob Briggs, Clive Barker, Milton, to name a few.

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today? There's several who could be nominees for this award, but I think Stephen King gets this one.

31) What is your desert island book? Man...I guess I'd have to say a Howard collection of some sort...probably The Ultimate Triumph, since it's illustrated by Frank Frazetta.

32) What are you reading now? I am , unfortunately, between books right now...have to get more!

Art and the Backyard

2009-03-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

I've been fighting a stomach virus since early Friday morning, and today was the first day I felt something resembling better...which really sucks, because this was the first weekend off I've had in a month, and I missed my friend's birthday party last night. But as I said, I felt somewhat better today and wanted to get out for a bit, so I went to the McNay Art Museum. I curse myself for forgetting my camera, but here's a link: http://www.mcnayart.org/. It was nice to see works by some of my favorite artists like Monet and Van Gogh, as well as some really cool stuff like an old pew carved with a gargoyle and a minstrel on the armrests...I promise to take my camera next time!

After the museum trip, I picked up some stuff for the backyard. I'm going to have my own Villa of Monsters soon at this rate. ( Original Villa of Monsters info here: http://www.villapalagonia.it/palagonia_eng/storia/storia.html )

This Moon is from Guatemala, by way of a local statuary shop. It was a cool little place, with dogs laying in the shade and trotting about to get petted by shoppers. There's tons of Suns around at garden shops, but this is the first Moon I've found that appealed to me. I enjoy the daytime, but there's something mystical about the Moon, shining its light down at night, be it full, half, or crescent.

This cat I picked up at another stauary place near my house. Like the place I got the Moon at, it sells pots, statues, fountains, and other such stuff from Mexico. I got this last Sunday to give Doyle the Gargoyle ( thanks to Jodi for the name, you have a prize coming ...remember the contest?) company. The cat and Doyle soon got more friends...

I went to yet another place today that had a plethora of yard decorations and statuary, and picked up a trio of goodies. First up is Pan, who seems pretty content to hang out in the backyard playing his pipes...an appropriate critter for the Beast's backyard, I think.

I saw this majestic little beast and I couldn't pass him up. The place also had some bigger lions, which I may go back for later, but for now, this guy will do to help Doyle protect the yard.

This plaque is called Old Man Wind. I liked the painted version of it because it reminds me of Winter, plus the bit of color is nice.

I hope everyone out there is doing well...I'll leave with some pics of my trees in the backyard...they're getting leafy!

Take care!

Wrath and Rain

2009-03-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, on one of the Nine Worlds, The Thunderer is angry,
His eyes glowing ,his beard and hair bristling with sparks,
As his rage darkens the skies above him.

His lips form into a cruel smile as his hair whips in the wind,
His laughter booming like the thunder bursting through the clouds,
Amused that the Giants before him dare challenge him.

The Giants pause in their advance, cowed by the lightning and fire that falls from the sky,
Realizing that they may have made a dread mistake, but knowing it's too late
For retreat or surrender to the Thunderer.

The Master of Storms raises his hammer, smouldering and burning,
Pointing at the giants, roaring his battle-cry, his chariot goes forth,
Pulled by his huge, black goats, Toothgrinder and Toothgnasher.

Not a single Giant escaped the Thunderer's wrath, not a Troll or Goblin lived,
All met their doom, by hammer, by hoof, by chariot-wheel, by lightning and fire,
By tooth and by crushing fist, Hel's halls were filled.

Here, in this One of Nine worlds, the skies were dark, and the thunder rolled,
The rain fell , and the winds blew from the North, the only evidence here,
Of the battle that took place on the plains of Asgard.

The Beast's Movie Cave-El Topo

2009-03-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

Today was, for most of the day anyway, a grey, rainy one...perfect for a movie! I watched El Topo (1970), the first Midnight Movie, directed, written , and starring Alejandro Jodorowski. I'd heard it was strange, and it was not lacking in the weirdness department. The only other film by him I'd seen to date was Santa Sangre(1989), which also was heavy on the weirdness...which is fine by me.

(Looks kinda like Yellowbeard here! )

El Topo (The Mole) is the story of a gunslinger on a quest for spirituality and God, essentially. The film is full of strange imagery, incorportaing Catholocism and Eastern religions as well as other symbolic images into a bizarre cinematic experience. There is also a good-sized helping of sexual themes, as well as violence, with pools and streets literally running red with blood at times( in the DVD extras, Jodorowski says "You cannot make a mystical picture without violence").

The film is full of striking images, such as the beginning, where El Topo has his son bury his first toy and his Mother's picture, his son standing with the monks he has left him with, the aforementioned streets of blood, a crucified dead goat, a collapsing tower, an underground city of deformed people, not to mention the look of El Topo himself, clad all in black. The backgrounds where the movie was shot are nothing less than beautiful,too.

It's supposed to be a shocking film, and I suppose it was back in the day, but I didn't find it all that shocking...I've seen a lot of strange films. I guess I could have done without El Topo's son running around with no pants on, though. It definately is a weird and bizarre movie, to be sure. I do like a surreal film now and again, although it may not be to everyone's tastes. If you're used to straightforward narratives and over-explained storylines, this isn't the movie for you. Also, I suppose some may find the religious imagery offensive, as well as the sex and violence. For those looking for a different viewing experience, though, El Topo might be an interesting change of pace.

The film has been unavailable on DVD or VHS for years. The director and the producer had a falling out 30 years ago, thus holding up the release of the film. They recently patched up their differences, and now it's been remastered on a nice DVD release with a sharp image transfer.

If you have a craving for a surreal, spiritual, violent, mystical cinematic experience, check out El Topo.

Bath Day

2009-03-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

My best friend Odin was in dire need of a bath , and since the weather has been warm of late here in Texas, I got out his pool and bathed him outside, since he likes to play in the water.

And to represent the feline members of my pride/pack, here's Loki, laying around like a big loaf.

I hope everyone's weekend was good!

Trees and Cats

2009-03-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

I planted a few trees last weekend. There's two silver maples in the backyard, and a Shumard oak in the front yard. They aren't really trees yet...they're more like sticks at this point.

The oak has some leafy buds growing on it already.

My cat Raven, who was sick a while back. is doing fine now. Her fur is starting to grow back where she was shaved for her IV and ultrasound. Raven is the shorthaired cat in the pictures. The longhaired rogue is Pict. If you took Errol Flynn, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li and distilled them into feline form, Pict would be the end result...amazing physical feats, swashbuckling antics, and physical comedy are his forte. He also has a mean right paw. The striped guy in the one picture is Loki...he's the laid-back cuddlebear of the bunch, although he does like to challenge Pict for the World Heavyweight Feline Championship title now and again.

I hope everyone is having a good week. Take care!

'I studied Silence to learn the Music, I joined the Sinful to regain Innocence'-Nightwish

Night Walk

2009-03-17T19:29:00.001-07:00

I like going for walks, especially at night. The world looks different at night, even your own street. It's cooler at night, and generally quieter. You may see things you wouldn't see or notice in the day. I also like seeing the Moon and stars overhead as I make my way through the neighborhood. As much as I enjoy blue skies and sunshine, I like the black cloak of Night and the light of the stars and Moon better.

'I will rise up from the Chaos, I will rise up from the grave,

A brother to the Darkness, a master to the slaves"- Manowar

Day At The Movies With The Beast-Watchmen

2009-03-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

I saw the film Watchmen today. I'm a big fan of the graphic novel it's based on, and I initially wondered if a film of it would be any good. Well, I did like it, quite a bit, actually.

The film tells the story of heroes and former heroes in an alternate 1985. The government has outlawed masked vigilantes, and most are either retired (like NiteOwl and Silk Spectre), or working for the government (like Dr. Manhattan and The Comedian). One hero, Rorscharch, still operates on the streets, and he gets involved when The Comedian is killed. A mystery is there to be solved, and a conspiracy to be discovered, all with the shadow of nuclear war hanging overhead.

I liked Watchmen...the costumes and effects were great, and the acting was well done, especially Rorscharch, played by Jackie Earl Haley. Rorscharch was one of my favorite characters from the book, and Haley brings him to scary, uncompromising life. The film stays very close to the original book...this is a very adult look at superheroes, and there is violence, sex, and other adult situations, so this is definately not a kid-friendly flick. The one major difference from the film and the book is the ending...purists may not like it, and I have mixed feelings abut it myself, but all in all it's pretty faithful to the source material.

If you're in the mood for a dark tale of very human superheroes, check out Watchmen. I give it four out of five clawmarks.

My Life In Song Titles-Manowar Version

2009-03-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

On Josephine Damian's blog (see bloglist to the right for link) , she had a meme where you answer certain questions with song titles by one artist or group. Here goes my version, with titles by the Kings of Metal, Manowar.

1.Are you male of female? All Men Play On 10

2. Describe yourself. Animals

3.How do you feel about yourself? Heart of Steel

4.Describe where you currently live. House of Death

5.If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Valhalla

6. Your best friend is: Odin (my dog!)

7. Your favorite color: Black Arrows

8. You know that: Today Is A Good Day To Die

9. What's the weather like? Black Wind, Fire, and Steel

10. If your life was a TV show, what would it be called? Fighting The World

11. What is life like to you? Fight Until We Die

12. What is the best advice you have to give? Carry On

13. If you could change your name, what would it be? King ( or Warlord)

14. Your favorite food is - Pleasure Slave :)

All hail Manowar!

'I Am A Brother to Dragons and a Companion to Owls"

2009-03-02T19:34:00.000-08:00

The title of this entry comes from Job 30:29...I had read it years ago, and I knew it was Biblical, but couldn't remember what book it came from or in what context. Job says this when talking of his suffering as a pawn in the game between God and Satan, I believe. I always liked this line...it sounds good, and I've always liked owls. My brother has always liked dragons, and he got a tattoo of a dragon claw, so in a way I am brother to a dragon as well. My Mother has always liked owls, too...she has a good-sized collection of owl figurines she's recieved over the years, many from myself.

All this came to mind as I went on a walk tonight with my friend Nicole. As we passed the elementary school in the neighborhood, she pointed and said, "Is that an owl?" I looked up at first, expecting to see one in flight. Instead, I saw just the opposite...there was a large, dead owl laying in the parking lot of the school. We both felt bad, but I suspect I felt even worse, given my connection to them. I almost took a feather from the owl, as sort of a shamanistic token, but I chose to leave him be instead. I'm sure someone will remove him , probably before the kids arrive for school in the morning.

Somehow this all makes me think of my family...my Mother, my Grandmother that just passed away, and my brother.

I hope that the owl is flying somewhere beyond this world, his wings stretched against a night sky, eyes gleaming in the moonlight.

Birthday of the Beast

2009-02-25T21:52:00.000-08:00

Many moons ago, there were signs and portents...

It was said that a horned figure was seen playing an electric guitar at the Villa of Monsters, where there was no place to plug in...some say He was playing the song 'Black Sabbath'...

...some say that all across the continent of Africa, lions all began to roar, all at once, bewildering zoologists and tribesman alike...

...in the cold North, three gigantic swords arose from the ground, as if by the hand of Odin Himself...

...old breweries around the world came to life, suddenly bottling beer when no one had turned on the machines...

...were all these signs a fortelling of a fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, the birth of a true son of Odin, or just another drunken blogger?

...you tell me.

February 25th, my B-day.

Raven-Update

2009-02-22T17:28:00.000-08:00

My cat Raven is doing much better. She started eating on her own last Tuesday night, and I took the IV catheter out on Friday. She was her usual perky self on Thursday morning... I got up to feed her and stayed with her in the computer/writing room. She wanted pets for a while and finally laid down beside me to sleep for a couple of hours. I ran a blood test on her liver values on Friday, and they were still high, but going back down. I'm so glad she's doing better...after euthanizing my cat Anna last november and having my Grandmother pass away a couple of weeks ago, I needed a bit of good luck for a change.

Thanks to all who wrote and commented with kind thoughts. I really appreciate it...you are the best.

Sometimes...

2009-02-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

...it just never stops. My cat Raven is having issues with her liver. She's only four years old, and the doctor isn't sure what caused it. We started treatment today (meds, IV fluids, injections, and force -feeding since she won't eat on her own right now). The one sure way I know she's not feeling good is that she's just sitting in the corner instead of tapping me with her paw for attention. She'll go back tomorrow for more treatment. Now, I realize that things could be a lot worse, but I think I've had enough bad luck lately.

Just so this isn't an all-downer post, I did get my tattoo finished. Still, the Raven I care most about is the small, furry one. Wish us luck, please.

Winter, Storms, Greetings, Goodbyes Pt.3

2009-02-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

As I walk by myself down the roads near my parents' place in Michigan on a cold Winter's morning, I try to let the familial negativity of the preceding two days wash off me in the cold Winter wind. The chill air brings tears to my eyes, and the sun shines off the snow. It's very quiet here, and I enjoy the silence for a while, but I can't resist putting on my Zune and listening to some Immortal. Immortal is a Norwegian Black Metal band, whose songs deal mostly with frozen , icy realms where swords clash and tyrants rule from raven thrones. They are the only band I know that : a) used the word 'permafrost' in a song, and b) made it sound evil. As I listen in the cold wind and walk throught he snowy landscape, it 's an appropriate soundtrack. After a few songs, though, I turn it off and return to the silence. On my solitary journey I come across a tree stump with two empty beer bottles inserted into it. I think, was this where two friends toasted one another? Or perhaps two young lovers sneaking off in the cold Winter night to see each other? Or maybe a lonely fellow, drinking and pondering life's mysteries as he sits on a stump on the side of the road...one can only wonder.

The next couple of days are spent with my parents. Comfort food is made and eaten, as we use each other's company as a balm against the loss we've shared. I know that us being there is especially good for my Mom. She and my Dad(and to a lesser extent, us kids) took care of my other Grandma(my Dad's Mom) after her husband passed away, and when she died, my Mom said it was like losing a parent and a child. I'm sure she feels the same way now, especially since it's her own Mom. I hurt from my own sense of loss, but I hurt even more for my Mom, because I know she must be hurting more than anyone else right now. When I saw her at the end of the viewing, kneeling in front of the casket and starting to cry, my heart brioke. I hate situations where there's nothing that can be done...the animal in me longs for something tangible to lash out at, to smash and break and kill, to pull the hurt out and choke it, tear it apart, to stop it...but things like this are intangible and unstoppable, and only time can make the pain lessen.

We pack up for the trip back to Texas. We plan on going straight through. My brother suggests we go through Oklahoma, since Kim and I haven't been on that route before, and it's about the same distance and time. As night approaches, we discover the weather is getting bad. On the satellite radio and on my laptop, we confirm that the path we've chose is right where there's a storm brewing...damaging winds, rain, possible tornadoes, etc. We decide to press on, and if the weather gets too dicey, we'll pull over and tough it out. As we head into the rain and wind, the song 'Into The Void' by Black Sabbath comes on the radio...oddly appropriate, I think to myself. It's windy, and the rain is harsh in spots, but as we finally cross into Texas, the clouds part, and the Moon stares down like the eye of Odin upon us. As on the trip up, snacks, energy drinks, and the occasional stop for something resembling 'real' food keep us going. As on the way up, I sleep little, as it's uncomfortable in the truck and I always feel the obligation to keep awake to keep the driver company even if I'm not driving. We see the afternmath of the storm on the way down...we saw accidents (some bad) in the rain at night, and in the daylight in Texas we see a trailer deposited on a chainlink fence, smashing it, and a large sign for a car dealership torn apart like so much paper.

We finally arive home late this morning. I'm so happy to see my dog Odin, and he's just as happy to see me. I miss him and the cats (Pict, Raven, Loki, and Phoenix) when I'm away. I call my folks to let them know we're home safe, and I gratefully flop onto my own bed. I know there's still a lot more grief to get through, but at least I'm home again.

I want to thank everyone and anyone here among my fellow bloggers who expressed sympathy and condolences. It really does mean a lot to me, and it does help. Thank you all, you're the best. Take care, everyone.

Winter, Storms, Greetings, Goodbyes Pt. 2

2009-02-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

The funeral mass took place at the local Catholic church. I was a pallbearer, so I , and the others chosen for this duty, sat up front and to the right at the church. I sat next to a cousin who said maybe two words to me the whole time. Maybe it was because of old family grudges between our Moms, or maybe he was just uncomfortable with a long-haired Viking for a cousin...I don't know. I sit there in the church and feel very uncomfortable. I've always felt uncomfortable and uneasy in churches, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe I was killed by the Inquisition in a past life or something. Even as a kid, both my Grandmas had pictures of the Last Supper and such hanging on the walls, and these kind of freaked me out. So here I sit, with a gigantic crucified Jesus staring down on all of us, half expecting a buch of spear-waving Crusaders to come pouring out of the doors to round up the heathens.
Catholic functions are very well organized, I think to myself as the mass progresses. The priest says things and the Catholics in attendence respond accordingly...music and songs kick in at times, and the wine and wafers are brought out . I get a lot of dirty looks here in the church, for not joining in where the audience is supposed to, I guess, and especially for not coming up to partake of the Host. The guitar player in the church band in particular made a career out of shooting me the stink eye whenever he wasn't playing. I was baptized Catholic, but I never went to church as a kid, and never went through Catechism(is that the right term?) or anything. I don't think it would've worked out well.
The sharing of wine and wafers complete, the priest says something about a family member wanting to say a few words, and I think to myself,'Oh no'. Sure enough, the worst of the trouble-making relatives steps up to the podium. This person begins to deliver a speech which, at first, says some sweet things about Grandma, but spirals downward into a self-aggrandizing spiel that basically ignores anything the rest of the family has done for my Grandma over the years. To the casual, unknowing listener, it would sound like a nice little speech...but to those of us who knew the real score, it was a 'look at me, I'm such a good relative, and, by the way, I just got the last word' kind of thing. I sat listening to this, and somehow fought the urge to grab the hefty copy of the Bible in front of me and chuck it at the person spewing this bullshit. I could clearly picture it in my mind's eye, sailing across the room, making contact with the relative's forehead, dropping them like a sack of potatoes...and then throwing one at the guitar player next. But I maintained composure, for my Mom's sake if nothing else.
It was windy at the cemetary, and unseasonably warm for a Kentucky Winter. We said our final goodbyes, and went back to the church. The wind really began to blow, and the thought, 'Even the Old Gods are seeing her off' passed through my mind. Goodbyes to living relatives were said, e-mails were exchanged, and we set off for Michigan to our parent's place.

Winter, Storms, Greetings, Goodbyes

2009-02-11T14:51:00.000-08:00

When I got the news my Grandma had passed away, calls were made and plans were formed, as they always are in times like this. We were expecting it, but it never makes it any easier. The funeral was to be held in Kentucky. As we leave Texas for parts northward, the air gets colder, and I enjoy the cold. I've been missing Winter lately, but even Winter's cold embrace can't still the pain I feel in my heart. As we travel, I see the destruction that the ice storms have wrought on the countryside. Trees are broken off, snapped as if an angry giant has walked through the land with his arms outstretched, breaking the treetops off as he lumbers across the land.

We arrive in the small Kentucky town my Grandma called home years ago...it's your typical small town, where we are greeted with the 'you ain't from around here, are ya' looks from the locals. We get to the funeral home, and find our parents there. Hugs and tears are shared as we greet each other , and finally we enter the funeral home.

It's always weird to see someone you knew in life lying in their coffin...I surround myself with images of death, skulls and vampires and such are in every corner of my house, yet it doesn't make it any easier when you have to see a loved one in such a state. She looks so small, I think to myself. She loved the color pink, and she's wearing a pink outfit and jacket...she would've liked that, I think.

Relatives soon start to flow in. Some I haven't seen in years, some, like my oldest brother's kids, I've never met until now. Most of them have no idea who I am...the last time most of them saw me, I was either a skinny kid with shoulder-length hair , or a fat guy with sligthly longer hair than shoulder-length. My oldest brother, who I haven't seen in ages, looks at me and says, 'You definately ain't that kid anymore'. Cousins and aunts arrive, some genuinely happy to see me (once they figure out who the Hell I am), others about as friendly as the locals. For whatever reason, there have always been feuds and fights amongst my mom's side of the family, and even now, at this sad time, some people have to let their egos dictate their actions instead of their hearts, so glares, snubs, cold shoulders, and even turning one's back to us happens as the day progresses. This is the last thing anyone needs right now, especially my Mom, but assholes will be assholes, I guess. As my brother succinctly puts it, 'Fuck 'em'.

Funeral viewings are one of the strangest gatherings I have ever attended, I think to myself. Here we all are, talking, crying, laughing, while a dead person in a box lies in front of the room. It's been said that Americans have a hard time dealing with Death, so maybe this is a good thing that we're all doing here, in this little funeral home in Kentucky...dealing with Death, each in our own way. I'm trying to be strong for my Mom especially, but it's hard. We manage to make it through the day, then we go to our motel room to get some much needed sleep(we drove straight through to Kentucky).

2009-02-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

I got the news last night that my Grandmother, whose health has been on a rapid decline lately, passed away last night. I'll be heading out to Kentucky early tomorrow, where the funeral is to be held, and possibly to Michigan afterwards where my parents live. My parents have been taking care of my Grandma for the last ten years or so, so this has really hit them hard(it's my Mom's Mom). I'll have my laptop with me, but it may be a while before I can post, or even feel like posting.
Everyone take care out there.

Ink, Blood, Pain, Art

2009-01-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

Once again I underwent the alchemical process, and my tattoo of Odin's ravens, Hugin and Munin, is almost complete. One more session in a couple of weeks should finish it. While I was at the shop, a guy and his dad were getting work done across from me...I thought that was kind of cool. Miles Larson is doing an excellent job (as usual) bringing the ravens to life on my skin.

"Wisdom and Rhyme, Sorcery, Death, living inside me, of Life and Death I am King, for both do I bring, by Sword and Spear and Ring"-Manowar

Words of the High One

2009-01-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

It's getting close to time for more work on my Ravens of Odin tattoo, so I'm of a mythological mind tonight. I've been re-reading the Havamal, or Words of the High One. It's words of wisdom passed on by Odin himself, supposedly. There's wisdom for travellers and guests, general advice for all, his quest for the Runes, and songs of spells he knows. Though couched in old-school (really old-school) wording, if you update some of the situations, the wisdom still applies. For example:

-Let a man never stir on his road a step

without his weapons of war;

for unsure is the knowing when need shall arise

of a spear on the way without.

In other words, be prepared...of course, if I didn't think I'd get arrested, I'd literally always have my sword or axe with me, but that's just me.

Immortality through great deeds is spoken of, as well:

-Cattle die, and kinsmen die,

Thyself too soon must die,

but one thing never , I ween, will die-

fair fame of one who has earned.

Wisdom in waiting until one has experienced something before passing judgement on it:

-Praise day at even, a wife when dead,

a weapon when tried, a maid when married,

ice when 'tis crossed, and ale when 'tis drunk.

Although, if you don't praise your wife while she's alive, she may make you wish you were dead.

Odin's seeking of the knowledge of the Runes is a gripping part of the Havamal...as I touched on in my earlier post about my tattoo and Norse myth, Odin underwent pain and sacrifice to gain knowledge, to better prepare for Ragnarok, the Norse Armageddon. He impaled himself on the world tree, Yggdrasil, with his spear Gungnir:

-I trow I hung on that windy Tree

nine whole days and nights,

stabbed with a spear, offered to Odin,

myself to mine own self given,

high on that Tree of which none heard

from what roots it rises to Heaven

None refreshed me ever with food or drink,

I peered right down in the deep;

crying aloud I lifted the Runes

then back I fell from thence.

Death and rebirth is a common theme in many religions, but how bad are you that you impale yourself?? Man, that's one tough god.

I've always been interseted in Odin, as he's god of war, poetry, sorcery, and death. He rules over skalds and berserkers alike. He obtained the Mead of Poetry, and could also incite battle rage in individuals and armies by throwing his spear overhead. He studied magic for use in healing, battle, lovemaking, and speaking with the dead. His ravens brought him news from the Nine Worlds, and his wolves Freki and Grere (Ravener and Greed) sat at his side in Asgard. His eight-legged steed, Sleipnir, would carry him across the land, sea, and sky. Unlike most gods who represent one aspect, Odin is multi-faceted...body, spirit, and mind. I suppose this is why I'm so interested in him. I took one of those goofy online quizzes once to see what god you most resemble...I got Odin by 78% (with Tyr following up with a close 70%). And I named my dog after him as well.

I think the Old Norse religion is one of the most interesting ones...we get taught the Greek myths in school, but the fellas from the cold North are given short shrift. If you have an interest in things Norse, check out the Havamal. It's not too long, and it's good reading. Hail to you all!

Miss Ya, Mitch

2009-01-29T16:48:00.000-08:00

I recently got the new Mitch Hedberg CD. Mitch Hedberg was one of my favorite comedians. He had a unique way of looking at the world, and a unique delivery as well. In a world full of stale sitcoms and unfunny comedians(Larry the cable guy, I'm pointing at you), Mitch was a breath of fresh air. Here are some quotes from his material:

"If I was the Headless Horseman's horse, I would fuck with that dude. 'Yeah, we're going that way, not toward hay.' "

" I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside."

"I got an ant farm...them fellas didn't grow shit."

If you're not familiar with his work, go check it out. You'll be glad you did.

Rest in peace, Mitch.

The Beast's Movie Cave-Tokyo Gore Police

2009-01-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

With a title like 'Tokyo Gore Police', you can kind of tell what kind of viewing experience you're in for. Well, This one delivers in spades, not only in the red stuff, but the overall weirdness factor as well.

The police force in Japan has been privatized. Wearing outfits that resemble a cross between riot gear and samurai armor, the new police take a hard stand against crime...in their TV commercials, we see the police execute a serial rapist. This tough law enforcement group has worse things to deal with, however. Killers known as 'Engineers' are running rampant in Tokyo. These crazed killers are even more dangerous when wounded...their wounds become strange body weapons(like chainsaws), and they are extremely hard to kill, unless you destroy the key-shaped tumor that lies within their bodies, put there by the mysterious Keyman( Itsuji Itao). Policewoman Ruka ( Eihi Shina, who was also in 'Audition'), the toughest cop on the force, and an ace swordswoman, is the best Engineer Hunter on the squad. What is her connection to the Keyman, and can she stop the rising number of Engineers in the city? What will happen when the police start executing anyone they even slightly suspect of being an Engineer? And what other dark secrets from her past will surface?

Directed by Yoshihiro Nishimura, 'Toyo Gore Police' is a crazed, blood-soaked adventure that combines action, ridiculously violent setpieces, S&M, film artistry, and a bit of social commentary to make one wild cinematic stew. There are mutations and perversions galore, not to mention blood by the gallon. The blood and gore rises to cartoonish levels, like in Peter Jackson's Dead Alive (see my October entry on this film). One scene in particular combines the cinematic and the silly, when Ruka, diguised as a prostitute, is groped on a train. She grabs the groper and drags him off the train. While he is pleading for mercy, she pulls her sword out of her parasol and amputates his grabby hands. While he holds his stumps up and screams, blood spraying like a sprinkler system in the background, Ruka, parasol opened to keep the sanguinal spray from hitting her, calmly walks toward the foreground, all in slow motion.

There's a lot of crazed visual special effetcs going on here, with the mutations of the Engineers, such as a woman with a venus-flytrap/alligator mouth for a bottom half, a snail-girl, and an amputee sex slave fitted with samurai sword blades on her stumps, running about like a deadly spider. Oh, let's not forget the Engineer that sprays acid from her nipples, burning the skin off a policewoman's face, leaving a steaming skull. There's also a living chair with some important female parts, and a policeman turned Engineer , who after having his , uh, member violently removed( definately a hard-to-watch-moment for the male audience members...well, it was for me, anyway), is equipped with a large replacement that acts as a gun. OK, I'm not making this up, really.

On the downside, some of the effects are not the best, but given the budget, I'm OK with that. The movie doesn't seem to take itself completely seriously anyway, except for when the police start killing whoever they damn well feel like , which has echoes of real-life events as of late( especially in Greece and California...see the blog Inexorable in my bloglist for a post on this, if you're not up to speed) . But aside from this bit of social commentary, this film is one crazy, gory, twisted ride. If you are easily offended, or are put off by cinematic weirdness, this is definately not the film for you. But if you like wild action, blood , strangeness, and offbeat humor, then check out 'Tokyo Gore Police'. The Beast gives it 4 clawmarks out of 5. See it if you can.

Life's Little Rewards

2009-01-23T20:32:00.000-08:00

Alchemy-Ink, Blood, Thought, Memory

2009-01-18T19:21:00.000-08:00

Back to the tattoo shop. It was just getting dark when I arrived. I remember the last time I got a tattoo on a Saturday, my friend said, "Getting a tattoo...that's a pretty rock and roll thing to do on a Saturday night". Maybe so. The shop isn't busy...it's their slow time of the year, Miles (my tattoo artist) says. There's only a few people drifting in and waiting in the lobby with me. Miles calls me back, and it's time for the ritual to begin once again. Punk music plays on the stereo as Miles the Artist prepares his instruments and ink. Just the outline tonight, so black it is. There will be more black later, to be sure, plus other colors. I find strange comfort in knowing that there will be wings of darkness unfurled across my back soon. I take off my shirt...this is the first tattoo that has required me removing my shirt, and I'm a bit self-concious. I am in better shape of late, so I don't sweat it too much. The templates are placed, the area is cleaned and swabbed, and I sit down and get in position. The buzz of the needle is loud, but comforting in its familiarity. The needle bites down into my skin, bringing pain with art. Everything has its price...and it's appropriate, I think, considering the subject mater of my tattoo. The image being put into my skin is that of the Norse god Odin's ravens, Hugin and Munin. Odin was god of war, magic, poetry, and death. Odin was constantly searching for knowledge, and it always came with a price. He plucked out his own eye to gain wisdom from the enchanted well Mimir, and to learn the secret of the Runes, he impaled himself to Yggdrasil, the World Tree, with his own spear, Gungnir. He hung upside down for nine days and nights, without food or mead. He fell screaming into the darkness and seized the Runes, which gave him power and wisdom. His ravens flew out into the Nine Worlds each day to see what was happening, and would return each night and tell Odin what they saw. Their names mean Thought and Memory. As I sit and feel the pain of art, I think of the poem Grimnismal, where it is said:

Hugin and Munin, Thought and Memory,

fly over the world each day.

I fear for Thought, lest he come back not,

but I fear yet more for Memory.

I feel the same, Odin, I think to myself. Miles and I talk about the usual things as he works...music, horror movies, video games, etc. During times when the chat stops, I immerse myself in the process. It's alchemical and magical...the music, the smell of disinfectant, ink, and my blood, the buzz of the needle, the pain as the mystical images appear on my skin...a ritual I've done before and will do again. The pain is especially sharp up on my shoulders near my neck, as I suspected it woulld be, but it's not too bad...again, everything has a price. Eventually, the outline is done, and arrangements are made for the next session, where shading and coloring will take place, bringing the Ravens of Odin to life even more. I pay Miles his well-earned fee, and go out into the night. It's cold, and even though I'm wearing a tank top, I feel comfortable. It feels good, and appropriate. I listen to Manowar on the way back...again, appropriate. I roll the window down, the cold air, music, and stinging skin on my shoulders making their own alchemy as I drive through the night. I stop at Walgreens on the way home...lately, I seem to end up at Walgreens after a visit to the tattoo shop. While getting a tattoo may be a rock and roll way to spend a Saturday night, being at Walgreens doesn't feel so rock and roll. I consider stopping at a bar before going home, but change my mind. Besides, I have plenty to drink at home. I get what I need at Walgreens, and get home. I have some Captain Morgans and Diet Coke(hypogycemia's a bitch), and take another look at the beginning of my new artwork. My ravens may not go out and bring me back news and knowledge, but I feel good that they're there, watching my back.

"In the Hall of the Slain, Valkries and Heroes attend me,

Ravens and Wolves by my side, forever, they did befriend me"- Manowar

Punching My Way Clear

2009-01-15T17:04:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day I've actually felt close to 100% better (probably 98-99%, actually) since coming down with a cold last week. I only missed a half-day of work, but I haven't been up to doing things I normally do . I even accepted a ride home from work last week, which I rarely do ( I usually walk). I walked to and from work yesterday ( the 'to' part was great...it was 29 degrees , and the Moon was still out...I loved it), and today I went out into Beast's Gym (aka my garage) and had a round with the heavy bag.

I really like working out on the bag. I like all the steps...putting on the handwraps, the gloves, stretching out, and then beating the Hell out of the bag. My garage is a bit cramped, but I can move about 3/4 around it, swinging all the while. Punches, jabs, uppercuts, palm-heel strikes, roundhouse kicks, elbow and knee strikes, and even the occasional headbutt if I'm getting too much into it, making a percussive sound as I exercise and take out any aggressions I may have out on the bag. Sometimes it's just random, vague aggressiveness as I hit again and again, sometimes it's a specific person or people I envision as I punch away, picturing blood spraying with each hit. Sometimes it's myself I'm angry at, and the bag (and my arms) take the punishment. And sometimes, it's just me working out.

No matter what the reasons are , or how long I stay out there and punch, or how many times I hit it, it's the bag that always wins. It's always right there, still hanging, tireless in its spot, as I wearily remove my gloves and unwrap my hands, waiting patiently for me to return to battle it once again. It's good to be back in swinging again.

"And in this Heart of Darkness, Our Hope lies on the floor, All Love , like Fame, is fleeting, When there's no hope anymore" -Apocalyptica